it was raining like it had never done in the past few weeks in ipoh last night. the house blacked out a number of times. i was still wide awake and quite spooked since it was a thursday night and the wind was howling madly outside my window. i went outside to look for the nearest cat i could grab and found Biscuit under the chair in the tv room. poor baby was fast asleep but i carried her to my room to teman me for the rest of the night. she has this habit of staring into space that i don't really like. and i kindaf wished i had grabbed frantic and hyper Candy instead she'd be running around the room and i wouldn't feel so alone. Biscuit, she's just too..immobile sometimes late late at night. sometimes she'd just sit upright in the hallway looking down into the darkness of the living room and just stare for 10 whole minutes not moving at all. sometimes you'd wander if she's seeing things you can't...

and i felt all kinds of foreboding last night that i eventually fell asleep with the lights on. i was msn-ing with my bf and gave him short replies most of the time he thought i was mad at him. i hate foreboding. foreboding on a spooky rainy night with a haley joel osment in The Sixth Sense -cat.

i woke up and made my way to the kitchen seeing my mum on the kitchen counter making lunch so early and the first thing she said to me was, "Michael Jackson meninggal.."

and to be honest at the moment i wasn't that thrown by the news. i was like, Farah Fawcett died, MJ died, that Neda girl died too a week ago..it's dying season.

but about an hour after that i ate back my words. Michael Jackson was my first ever musical icon when i was small. i grew up being made to listen to him and loved it. i remember when i was about four, my favourite was Black or White. i would watch the video clip over and over going it's black! it's white! head to the side, back to the front! i would sing-a-long to his cassette and made the whole house pay attention and listen to me. i had a SEGA Michael Jackson video game. He kills zombies with his moonwalking and screams in it. i remember admiring his wax figure at Madamme Tussaud's. i think i have a picture of it. i shall go look for it later. oh and once in Disneyland Paris 1997, they had a 3D screening of MJ's Thriller and i begged oh begged my parents and my aunt and uncle if we could go see that and do the Alice in Wonderland maze later.

this is as saddening as the time i woke up watching the breakfast news about Lady Diana's tragic death on ends. as saddening as how i still get teary eyed when they feature Steve Irwin on tv.

how is the world to feel now? well your haters can go stuff it for good now. that evil pakistani-british journalist what was his name..the one that's been harassing you and putting words in your mouth for years on all of those child molestation shit. those who envied your fame and wealth and tried to bring you down.

i can't go on TMZ anymore because you're all they talk about now. you're all they talk about everywhere.

rest in peace, Mikael..