i lied. ok. so what. not like anybody reads this anyway.

i think i only have 2 miserable loyal readers who practically knows how my life goes on so this is really almost pointless..

anywho, i'd like to talk about noises.

you know how some people complain how bloody irritating it is listening to little children cry throwing a tantrum? well they'll grow up and get over it but it's the little girls who grow up and think it's still is cute when you sound like a whimpering, whiny kid at 25.

like when your friend pulls on your pony tail and you start thumping your feet repeatedly on the ground squealing.

like when you see a beetle ten yards away on the window pane and you let out this horrific cry so loud that you could actually break those window panes.

ni contoh2 je tau, bukan berdasarkan orang2 sebenar.

cute? are you fucking kidding me? grow up bitchis!

oh this one example is classic and i'm sure most of you would relate to (at least my 2 loyal readers definitely would, syuk and my number 1 fan obviously).

you know japanese porn? well i kindaf do somehow don't ask me how but here's my verdict.

it confuses me why anyone in the world would find noisy deafening screeches and noisy whimpers as if the girl has a barbed wire up her hm-hm would turn anybody on. the one time i was made to watch a video i was more focused on her face more than anything else. it was revolting. she had a face that spat out noises so irritating i felt like gagging her. the wailing and squealing like she was in such agonising pain and moans SO annoying i felt like slapping her and pulling her hair going shut up slutface! by the end of it she already had tears all over her face. through the whole of it my forehead was so creased in absolute horror and annoyance i could use it as a cheese grater.

sexy ke? if that's the kind of sex asian men expect from all girls i'll pass pass PASS thanks.

point is, i think asian women make more annoying sounds than..non-asian women do. particularly japanese i suppose. not to be racist, but you can sort of tell already by the way they speak normal japanese. moshi-moshi..ehehehe (gelak dengan sungguh gedik-ly)

super kawaii!

grow up grow up..

oh but i have something you should definitely watch though. WATCH!

GOOD LORD, DE BRITO! what the hell's wrong with you?! that's not agressive that's torment! everyone should be reminded to wear ear protection before they go to watch your matches! i get it that women tennis players tend to grunt to somehow ease the energy flow to the bat and to the ball, you know, like how even men make noises in martial arts. but that wasn't a grunt that was a fucking DEATH CRY!

i've only watched like 2 minutes of your game thanks to dad who only watches tennis on ESPN and the Golf Channel and i already felt like pulling my ears off. seles and sharapova are bad enough but this is just ridiculous! what's wrong with a more subtle more tasteful grunts like the williams'. for all we know this is kindaf a form of cheating because your screams can do more than distract. if i was playing against you, you would've had my bat hurling towards you wedged in your gob 30 seconds into the game only i suck at tennis. grow up child!

in my honest opinion, all the women in the world who think making unnecesarry noises is cute or i don't know.. stimulating, should all go lesbians on each other. life would make more sense that way.

i have very little faith in myself these days.

i keep trying to help people to feel better about their lives but truth be told i'm feeling miserable at times myself. truth be told..i need help too. =(

and help does not work by telling me girls always think too much lah..again. if girls don't think too much we wouldn't bother shaving and getting rid of pimples. because if that happens, the boys will start complaining jugak..  -_-"

and no i'm not talking about you tau sayang just to clarify.. *cowers in the corner*

i wake up everyday hyperventilating about how bleak my future seems to look from here. i have to hyperventilate because should signs of my failure appear sometime later, i'll be in mortal peril.

bad enough i'm unhappy with what i've chosen to carry on with life doing, i'm not getting better at it even after 2 years. 2 fucking years and i still can't quite taking everything in my stride.

it's different when you're not happy about doing something, but you're doing quite well at it anyway. there's your consolation. i suck at this, and it sucks being reminded of it time and TIME AGAIN TOO.

so you, be grateful. you there, stop complaining about friends not being 'cool' enough for you. you, stop being such a princess and suck it in and you, stuff it, cellulite won't affect your studies get over yourself. all of you will be rich and successful one day and i'll probably be waiting tables..

zomg i have that little faith in myself...i'll take it back when i feel hot and fabulous again.

i need a cuddle wuddle..without the patronizing, thanks.

i'm gonna go try and do something useful and intelligent now..

i need someone to talk to. anyone.

so i woke up this morning in my own bed after a weekend at Ika's, and thought it'd be nice to get some fresh air before anything else. fresh air can come in abundance around here, being quite a distance from the city and busy roads. provided the neighbours don't burn their pile of dead leaves and shit across the road..which they often do.

and i found three roosters and a hen on the lawn. ayam-ayam ni kepunyaan jiran sebelah kanan. memang selalu lah ayam-ayam ni curi masuk kan. tapi tak pernah kami marah-marah halau mereka. biarla, saja sight-seeing makan-makan segala tanaman yang ada. biasala lumrah haiwan yang suka jalan-jalan cari makan. tak salah pun. tapi pabila our kittehhhs trespass on their barren lawn banyak pula bising terkinja-kinja teriak bagi satu kampung dengar punyalah marah teramat sangat. pastu mereka berikan our kittehhs makan benda yang bukan-bukan punyalah marah kucing-kucing comel ni setakat baring di luar pintu TAK KACAU SAPE2 PUN EH..lalu kittehhhs jatuh sakit.

memang lumrah sesetengah manusia kejam. TAKDE PON KITORANG RASE NAK SEMBELIH AYAM-AYAM NI PULAK KAN BUAT BBQ KE. lek je, dorg berak merate pun xde kecoh satu dunie. ayam kan..marah pun xde dorg nak dengar. berak merate pun bukan salah dorg. binatang kan..

i have a cat named Benji. he's quite the handsome lad since he was born. he only comes in once in a while for food and stays outside most of the time. male cats..let them out as much as they want as soon as they ask for it or you'll have curtains smelling of cat piss. lol.

well see, benji has recently developed a phobia. he gets scared everytime he sees something long and hard raised in front of him. a bat, a roll of newspaper, a wooden plank.. he'll squint at the sight of them, pulls back runs off and hides behind the sofa. this strong, bold, fearless cat who terrorises any stray who tries to dominate any square inch within a boundary of a 3-meter radius around this house gets paranoid so easily thinking that humans are always trying to hurt him..with things that are long and hard.

so the other day, ibu caught her in action, jiran sebelah kanan was making a whole lot of noise when she saw Benji just passing by not bothering anyone, grabbed her broom, raised it high and trying to hit him while chasing him away..and Benji came scurrying back home.

bitch was actually the reason my Benji's all traumatised.

the thing that's so bloody hard for people to understand is that animals are more afraid of us than we should feel threatened by them. if they every bite back or attack it's only our fault for scaring or hurting them in the first place. if they piss and poo all over the place it's not their fault that God never created them all to be potty trained.

--------------------------------------

anyway, i had a brilliant weekend. =)

the thing i look forward to most when i'm coming back to ipoh is how laid-back and simple life can really be. being home means i can enjoy a life so peaceful drama free i can almost feel my hair growing faster than it does in Shah Alam. i can enjoy good food where cendol costs only RM1 and roti canai at mamak places are served for only 80 sen a piece.

kat Hakim singgit due kot..

when you're on a tight budget, you can't help at comparing prices of even food. =)

being back means i get to spend time with old friends without having to worry about money saved for bistros or random trips to phuket and singapore. spending a whole weekend with Ika and Hanna over the weekend reminded me just that.

we went out at night having char kuey tiaw by the roadside enjoying the evening breeze and friendly chatters of the locals around. we spent late afternoons eating laksa at the park and just enjoying each others' company sharing stories of woes and happiness..not worrying about how dark and shrivelled my skin is getting and how much i should spend on that pot of collagen cream.

we were just sitting there on the grass watching the children play and kites conquering the sky above as the sunbeam at dusk twinkled on their tips. not looking at how fat that lady is and how her life sucks that way, or how big that girls' tits are and how you wish you were her. and making fun of my tits because mine are nowhere near admirable..

we spent nights sleeping on the floor in front of the telly with only a thin quilt cushioning our backs without complaining how badly that would decrease the life span of our bones or how much more orange peel on our thighs we'd get from it.

we helped fry fish in the kitchen without complaining how much our shirts would stink from all the cooking.

it was just a weekend that i severed almost all ties to the outside world, just the three of us. i didn't need other people to bug me especially those who LOVE reminding others that results are coming out on thursday. i did a whole lot of thinking this weekend. a whole lot of thinking that only these people can handle without judging me.

this whole weekend i gave up everything superficial, everything that i'm not.

and i don't ever want to go back to Shah Alam. i say this everytime i'm nearing the start of a new sem.. =(

tioman doesn't tempt me anymore. i just wanna stay here..well unless hana and ika gets to do their degree at Shah Alam next month.. i'd thank God umpteen times over.

in the meantime, staying here's good.

i miss my baby.. ='(

sorry world. been poorly last few days. oh and i accidentally on purpose broke my modem too. it was misbehaving so badly i kicked it to the wall and it broke. padan muke modem. padan muke saye xde internet.

so lately i have been going over to Ika's often. macam extended family dah rasenye X). it's lovely because i turn to her about things the most these days. she's one of those friends i have who really don't judge me by my flawed life on impulse. you know when rich people have such hectic lives all stressed out with everything can't really move can't really think and they run away for a bit to their country house by the lake to just.. let it all go, yeah that's Ika to me.

so i hope God, that you'll be putting her in my campus next semester. and hanna too. having them around will please me so much i think i'll start achieving more in life then.

results are out. seriously don't judge me. my battles and your battles are different. i'm not exactly over the moon with what i got but i'm thanking God every single day that my repeating papers days are as good as over. and i'm looking forward to a better second half of my course. i will not tolerate anymore people who try to put me down especially now that i'm getting better at motivating myself to do harder. best keep the snide opinions to yourselves. kthanks. i'm still fabulous.

i love ellen degeneres. really, i do. i wish starworld isn't so a month behind in airing her shows. tapi lambat2 pun layan jugak. so the other day i watched and she had this guest, a 9 year old japanese boy who's a guitar prodigy and my God did he sweep me off of my arse on the sofa and onto the floor. HE WAS BRILLIANT! omg i'll say no more just watch this video of his performance. he's playing Ozzy Osbourne's Crazy Train. ZOMG cutest thing ever. i want a kid like that one day. cutest cutest thing ever. probably the first thing that's japanese that i have complimented so generously in a long time.....

you watch something like this and can't help at thinking....i mean with that unfazed look he has playing so effortlessly xyah pandang guitar pun lek je. and those tiny little fingers.. and how the guitar is almost bigger than him..and omg how happy he was when Ozzy came out it was so awwwwww.. =')

COMEL GILE KAN?!!

i don't know, maybe i'm the only one who finds Billy and Linzi messaging each other on Twitter so gadorable when they live in the same house sleeping in the same bed? (yes, i only just made up 'gadorable' 2 seconds ago, biala).

BloodzillaBilly If only I could have Boba tea everyday..
3:25 PM Jun 13th from TwitterBerry

LinziLove @BloodzillaBilly you would be BobaBilly
3:44 PM Jun 13th from mobile web

BloodzillaBilly @LinziLove and you would be Mrs. BobaBilly. =)
4:39 PM Jun 13th from web in reply to LinziLove

..aww, kindaf makes me want to get married. then i'd Twitberry my husband who's fast asleep right next to me

Aimisyaz @HotHusband wake up syg, the baby needs changing, your turn tonight kthx.
4:55 AM five years later from TwitterBerry

X)

would it be too ridiculous if i say, that after i graduate, i want to do my postgraduate in something entirely different say..anthropology or..marine biology?

it's not impossible right? i mean my dad graduated with a degree in geology but he did his masters and degree in business..

i'm done with chemical engineering lah! i watch Mythbusters everyday with jealousy thinking these are special effects people and they get to blow up stuff and chemical engineers hardly get to touch chemicals at all. we get very cynical comments from at least one particular pure chemistry lecturer in the faculty one whose name i shall not mention suffice to tell you though that SHE WAS HARDLY ANY HELP TO US IN SCORING WELL ON OUR INSTRUMENTAL CHEMISTRY PAPER LAST SEMESTER WHEN DR. MIKHAIL GAVE OUT Bs TO HIS STUDENTS. i got a C+. anyway, cynical comments about how chemical engineering students suck at real hardcore chemistry because we play with big kids' machines and suck at paying attention to details. well you're one to talk you FORGOT to mention to us that you weren't teaching us everything we should know to do even remotely well in the exams details my foot.

POINT IS. chemical engineers, chemists, broad separating line, big difference. i don't really find much sense of purpose working inspecting pipes and distillation towers and flash drums and crap drilling for oil that contributes to a large portion of global pollution.

i'd rather go studying sea life and protect whales from those barbaric japanese and sharks from..well us.

i REALLY don't tolerate shark fin soup eaters.

i have friends who absolutely LOVE shark fin soup and you know me, i don't discriminate. i don't tolerate them all the same.

to my muslim friends, shark fin soup mungkin la halal, tapi kekejaman terhadap binatang ciptaan Allah tetap haram sama sekali, sekian.

you know how they kill sharks for the fins right?

they are sliced ALIVE.

..finless, and bleeding to death, they are thrown back into the water..to die a slow and painful death.

and here's the unnecessary soup that you love SO FUCKING MUCH.

sedap kan membunuh?

i don't fucking care if it's a hundred year old tradition, burying newborn baby girls by the Africans is tradition too BUT YOU DON'T THINK THAT THAT'S OK EITHER DO YOU?!

dah2 la makan benda2 bukan2 ni. shark fins, cats and dogs, human foetus, raw monkey brains eaten out of a living monkey, snakes, turtles, pandas, rhinos, polar bears i dunno, ape lagi. tak cukup benda elok2 dah ke nak makan?

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, JUST STOP, ASIANS!!!!

i am feeling sickeningly sentimental today. i'm listening to On Fire by Switchfoot. i haven't been listening to this in over a year. i remember listening to this over and over one night i stayed up teman-ing you study till the wee wee hours of the morning. i first heard this song when i was at the Switchfoot concert february last year. a few seconds into the song, and i felt odd. amidst the thousands of people around me swaying to the tune, holding up lighters up in the air, all in rather a trance so intoxicated by the emancipating ambience that cradled every single person in that large room, i stood still. that odd feeling was too overwhelming. it crept under my skin and filled me with anxiety so strong i felt like my head would crack right at the top any minute then, and a fountain of water would erupt out of it so violently it would wash everyone off of their feet, and i would later crumble into a thousand pieces from that immaculate splendour.

and amidst my thoughts spiraling wildly i envisioned ways that would immortalise that perfect moment when emotions collided like crashing waves on jagged rocks, and when the rapture subsides you have merely soft ripples gracefully sweeping away the remnants of the excitement. less dramatic ways that would make that moment echo..until i get sick of remembering such a corny make-belief for a corny situation. omg and it just dawned on me how even cornier it would be if i were to tell the world what exactly that corny thought was so i'm just gonna stop myself here ask me personally if you really really need to know (malu dah).

XD

anyway, initial point was that i wanted to express how intense i find this song is to me, and how much it reminds me of whatshisname and i during the infant days of our then friendship. we'd be texting all night about all kinds of random things. he was like my secret friend that i got close to by chance. the friend that at the time needed all the care in the world he could get to believe in happiness again. i felt compelled to always being there for him through his sad stories and lonely nights. even though from a distance. many many months have passed and along with them the tales told that got us to where we are today. at the risk of getting more painfully mushy from this point onwards, i'll stop myself. XD

this is a totally random post that started with a song i worshipped.

and i'm ending it with a totally random picture of whatshisname trying to look all insufferably cute for his girl..

XD

i <3 you too hensemku!

i'm kindaf getting bored with the overly-vintage obsession amongst young malaysian girls. i mean vintage is good, but too much of it is just so tacky and your mum will start making fun of you because even she never used to do it so over the top-ly back then.

NO! what is wrong with you.

and i realised, i can never be too drawn towards vintage apparels, let alone pull them off. let alone FIT THEM.

neither can you. some of you look like you're wearing tents. but i may be too under-read to judge. i'm not a fashionista. but what i do know is that i dress in a lot of dark colours, but my bags must almost always be brighter than the sun.

and if there's one i want to look up to in the way she dresses and accesorises it would be michelle trachtenberg..

i want those shoes? she dresses like such a rockstar all the time. i want the hair too but then i know half of that are thousands of dollars worth of extensions but who cares.

you don't always have to go vintage to look hot, see!

nowadays i find some people so obsessed that anyone wearing something flowery, something faded, something so worn out it looks more like perca-perca kain stitched up together and thus you're wearing a very colourful very faded though quilt, counts as a vintage goddess.

unattractive. if i have a lot of money, i'd go michelle trachtenberg than floral rags, thanks.

it was raining like it had never done in the past few weeks in ipoh last night. the house blacked out a number of times. i was still wide awake and quite spooked since it was a thursday night and the wind was howling madly outside my window. i went outside to look for the nearest cat i could grab and found Biscuit under the chair in the tv room. poor baby was fast asleep but i carried her to my room to teman me for the rest of the night. she has this habit of staring into space that i don't really like. and i kindaf wished i had grabbed frantic and hyper Candy instead she'd be running around the room and i wouldn't feel so alone. Biscuit, she's just too..immobile sometimes late late at night. sometimes she'd just sit upright in the hallway looking down into the darkness of the living room and just stare for 10 whole minutes not moving at all. sometimes you'd wander if she's seeing things you can't...

and i felt all kinds of foreboding last night that i eventually fell asleep with the lights on. i was msn-ing with my bf and gave him short replies most of the time he thought i was mad at him. i hate foreboding. foreboding on a spooky rainy night with a haley joel osment in The Sixth Sense -cat.

i woke up and made my way to the kitchen seeing my mum on the kitchen counter making lunch so early and the first thing she said to me was, "Michael Jackson meninggal.."

and to be honest at the moment i wasn't that thrown by the news. i was like, Farah Fawcett died, MJ died, that Neda girl died too a week ago..it's dying season.

but about an hour after that i ate back my words. Michael Jackson was my first ever musical icon when i was small. i grew up being made to listen to him and loved it. i remember when i was about four, my favourite was Black or White. i would watch the video clip over and over going it's black! it's white! head to the side, back to the front! i would sing-a-long to his cassette and made the whole house pay attention and listen to me. i had a SEGA Michael Jackson video game. He kills zombies with his moonwalking and screams in it. i remember admiring his wax figure at Madamme Tussaud's. i think i have a picture of it. i shall go look for it later. oh and once in Disneyland Paris 1997, they had a 3D screening of MJ's Thriller and i begged oh begged my parents and my aunt and uncle if we could go see that and do the Alice in Wonderland maze later.

this is as saddening as the time i woke up watching the breakfast news about Lady Diana's tragic death on ends. as saddening as how i still get teary eyed when they feature Steve Irwin on tv.

how is the world to feel now? well your haters can go stuff it for good now. that evil pakistani-british journalist what was his name..the one that's been harassing you and putting words in your mouth for years on all of those child molestation shit. those who envied your fame and wealth and tried to bring you down.

i can't go on TMZ anymore because you're all they talk about now. you're all they talk about everywhere.

rest in peace, Mikael..