i'm sitting in my cosy little bedroom. it's dark outside, and the serene blue-ness of the walls and the bedsheet complements the gloom as the sky outside fades into a bleak bleak gray. i light a small candle, surround it with pieces of pot pourri rest it on the table, get comfy with a bowl of cut oranges in my lap..

..all in the attempt to get this BLOODY FLU AWAY FROM ME!

for the love of God seriously..it's been six days since i came back. i should already be getting used to the cat fur-thick air and cat fur-infested carpets by now. i'm sneezing like the walls might come crumbling down. mum went flabbergasted this morning discovering we're out of loo rolls obviously i used them all up. i took one pink flu pill last two nights and died while ym-ing with nutella and msn-ing with my sayang. poor baby, i'm always dozing off on him..

and now that i'm finally back home, i miss shah alam. i'm so lonely here it's not funny =(. my sister's busy being all emo and self-pitying for spm. i get along with my brother most of the time, that is when he's not being such a pussy throwing tantrums being an insufferable pain. i don't get why he likes to pick fights with mum all the time. dude needs anti-angst treatment.

i haven't been out of the house since i came back. that was last saturday. truth is, i miss my housemates back in shah alam now. i feel LONELY, you tend to miss people when you're lonely. i'm always online waiting for people to talk to. maybe, i should stop being so self-important and should start asking how people are first instead of waiting for them to call me. oh revelation..

this semester break though, i think i'm doing some self-rediscovery. finding fortes i have lost, doing things i used to be good at -most i suck at now. do some soul-searching and retrieving bits of me i have misplaced. sit down and be grateful for the blessings i have been given instead of lamenting every single Goddamned thing at the top of my head. so what if i have to repeat my bloody thermodynamics course. not the end of the world. my glass is half-full, that way, i can learn to treasure the contents inside more now that i only have some but not all of them.

bare with the long post please will you, i  haven't been writing since the ice age..

what i really want to talk about minus all those BS up there i was just warming up really, is that as simple and bland my life may be these days, i have that one reason always makes me feel like a princess..every..time.

never have i been in love as much as this before, and just the thought of this seems way too overwhelming. should the distance or you being so ANNOYINGLY busy these days make me feel any less, it's not working?! XD you make me feel like i want to go to you on the next flight to strangle you for being so psychotic over work and exams that our conversations are cut short, but smother you with hugs and kisses because i miss you even more insanely when i get less of you these days..

it's amazing how much i need you.

it's amazing still how i fall in love with you over and over like it's the first time for me each time, with everything you say and do. i'll wake up a complete mess in the morning but still feel like a star knowing you'll love me however disgusting i look anyway. i love it how you can adore me for being so ordinary. whatever i have that you can venerate me so much is beyond me..

and i miss how warm your felt. i miss being able to just grab your hand and cling onto your arm when i'm out of things to say. then your warmth fills me so deliciously and there i am silent as ever, savouring it. =)

i miss you when we talk on the phone. because as soon as i pick up, i know i'd have to hang up half-an-hour later because you'd have to go back to studying or to bed because you have an early class the next day. i miss hearing your voice trying to sound like you need me there right at that very moment and just hold you and never leave.

i hate manipal for taking you away from me and it looks like the bitch wants to keep you all to herself like this..grrr. but then missing you everyday reminds me that i'm not about to stop loving and wanting you yet. and thats a good thing right? =)

i'm so sorry for being all disgustingly mushy like this. i bet you're all embarassed towards everyone who reads this now. but then again..YOU ASKED FOR IT KAN??

hehehehehe HAPPY 3RD MONTH ANNIVERSARY SAYANG! 3rd uncelebrated anniversary but still.. I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOUUUUUUU!!...

<3