..i have been turning the house upside down to find completely
random things. sweeping and mopping and vacuuming in between.
i'm in one of those nostalgic moods again..



i need to find my old pin-stripe vest


my blue hand-woven cashmere sweater


the red kilt i had when i was 7..

i opened unclaimed boxes of friends of the family with
packets of mouldy shortbread biscuits from Sainsbury's..
some digestive ones from Morissons..

...and vintage clothes!! =D

some old jackets and such..

i couldn't find my vest nor my cashmere =( ..i found my kilt that
i wore when i was 12..not the smaller one though.

i FOUND..this vintage oh-so-sleek coat from like..
oldschool Topshop!! It's brilliant..it was my mum's..it goes fab
with my kilt..hello Burberry Prorsum, seriously..

Scottish schoolgirl more like y/y? X)

my mum and i are friends again =).

friend: "she was nice at first but it turned out she wasn't afterall.
           and by the time he found out.. it was too late. he was
           already in too deep."

aimi: "what you mean LITERALLY.."

good morning world, i have a story to tell.
je suis une raconteusse and i promise you it's showtime.

now, you may have to keep up with me though, because verily
i tell stories in codes. please keep up.

well i'm chilly all over, you see. not because of the cold, not
because of the AC not because it's almost 5 in the morning
i am genuinely, chilly. i see goosebumps galore on my arms
i hug myself and feel colder still as my freezing palms knead
my skin.

i can't sleep. i just got off the phone with a friend. it was a long
and enlightening conversation. i learned things i thought i was
never allowed to find out. oh God did they shock me
so.. you know it seethes when you thought you knew someone
well enough, God just WELL ENOUGH but you didn't actually.

where's my story..what's my story about actually. well i'm just all over
the place right now and i don't even know where to begin to
punish myself for the incessant fool i have been time and fucking time
again.

care -what is care? that morsel piece of crap you throw back at me
just because you thought, alamak, she's given alot, bagi la balik
sikit kot..

WHEN WILL I EVER STOP BELIEVING.

you know for an optimist, you are really rendering me pessimistic
right now. about everything that you are. about everything that
you've ever lied to me about. you know all that you've said
and done has been nothing more but like an orgasm faked
 just to please me after i've climaxed one too may times
and you're not even there yet.

okay so let's play your kind of language now. your friendship
is like a one night stand. you know how you're always whining
and moaning how you're tired of spending every night as of
late making love to your hand and it's getting really
pathetic now well i couldn't agree any more. you need
someone else to be there for you to MOAN TOGETHER with.
when was the last time you had a good spill? and i do mean
inside someone else. poor baby..
it's been dead ages, hasn't it? now here i am you thought
you can prod all you like. oh look! ..someone with compassion
also, better still, we can last all night getting spasms all over
again and again. not there yet, you're not done with me.
you want roleplaying and you make me pleeeead for more.
you give a little..then you take back a lot. you let me reach for
you and you submit..but we never come at the same time.
you move at your inconsistent pace and i have to keep up
and i am keeping up but once you're done with me i am still
clawing onto the small of your back clinging on for dear life please stay..
i've got bites on my hips and hickies down my
neck i've got to hide those in the morning. the morning
when you will leave unannounced. as always.

LIES ALL OF IT.

i am angry. and this post will be deleted in a few days so savour it.

"Whoso List To Hunt"
by

Sir Thomas Wyatt

Whoso list to hunt, I know where is an hind,
But as for me, hélas, I may no more.
The vain travail hath wearied me so sore,
I am of them that farthest cometh behind.
Yet may I by no means my wearied mind
Draw from the deer, but as she fleeth afore
Fainting I follow. I leave off therefore,
Sithens in a net I seek to hold the wind.
Who list her hunt, I put him out of doubt,
As well as I may spend his time in vain.
And graven with diamonds in letters plain
There is written, her fair neck round about:
Noli me tangere, for Caesar's I am,
And wild for to hold, though I seem tame.

and was inspired to write one of my own..

and i submit to a call like no other
that a heathen like you could entrance me so
succumb to your lordship but with the power of mine
i cannot simply forsake the many i believe
and put a trust that so often falters
but like a rippling lake that breaks not
it will flow into the creeks and niches that life carves
and widen my veil of horizon still
so soon does time eclipse the memories that grew pretty
such cumbersome results must one foresee
my liege, i adore you so
i saw a glow in those sockets of mirth
that once was..
i am keen to redeem it for thee
but by your command i am consumed helpless
so strewn and dirty inside
and by a thin thread of hope i am sewn together
and neither of these may you see clearly
so blinded by the woes that you bring unto thyself
but on your shoulder therein lies a chin that is mine
reduced to whispers to solace your pain
and barely audible so as not to wake my resting heart
that before hath cried itself to sleep
for the hundredth time
and it shall do so forevermore..


~aimisyaz

those who claimed i have changed for the worse shall eat
your hearts out now, i tolerate no more. =)





fathers' day looming!!

=D

dear nadila,


i love u in all kinds of ways. for being the silly bimbo i've
learned to really adore. for being the sunshine in my pocket
through my anything and everything. for being the reason
i missed beautiful mornings overdosed with sleep.
for being the purest of souls we can make fun of with
our naughty jokes, lol. for being my O.C. ADDICT PARTNER
YEAH BABY! for the cute ipanemas i got for my birthday.
for the tops jeans shoes belts baju kurungs i borrowed. for
teaching me how to laugh so hard until i am rolling around
on the floor. for being the person i talk to in each of our
classes. for being my screaming partner. for helping me
escape my trouble-making..time and time again =). for
tolerating my horrible mood swings. for always..always
being there for me more than anyone ever could.


thank you so much, and happy 20th birthday, babe!

here's to the next three years of having me as the BEST
ROOM MATE ANYONE CAN EVER HAVE HAHAHAHA!! XD

..but last night i was lying on the bed trying to sleep, too
lazy to even get up and kill the lights first, i saw the
ceiling clearly. panels next to wooden panels..and i realised,
try as i might i couldn't sleep.
so while still lying and staring at the ceiling..i did this..

almost lover (a cover) from aimi syazwani on Vimeo.

syamin: so you'll just move on and find somebody else who really deserves you..

aimi: you well know it was never about finding someone for myself.
it was only about wanting that one.
all or nothing.
him or no one.

my back is not turned, actually. i promised it wouldn't, remember..




"but on your shoulder therein lies a chin that is mine
reduced to whispers to solace your pain
and barely audible so as not to wake my resting heart
that before hath cried itself to sleep
for the hundredth time
and it shall do so forevermore.."

so what do we do now?..

7 fakta tentang saya

1. boobs saya kecil tapi saya bersyukur juga =)
2. saya tidak suka hujan..hari yang hujan membuatkan saya merasa sedih tanpa sebab..
3. saya masih mengharap akan dijadikan duta Nike Women suatu
hari yang indah nanti..
4. kadang kala, saya akan bangun pagi berasa sexy dan confident
dan mula menari seorang diri di hadapan cermin macam orang gila..
5. di kala tiada teman, saya akan menceritakan segala masalah dan kebimbangan saya kepada kucing-kucing tersayang..
6. saya amat suka menonton thomas the tank engine dan bob the builder. malah, buku thomas the tank engine merupakan salah satu buku pertama yang saya baca untuk mempelajari bahasa inggeris.
7. suka hugs dan giving free hugs. apabila kata-kata sudah tidak boleh merawat kesedihan, ke-emo-an, kepedihan hati, kesunyian..sakit-sakit seperti demam dan sebagainya juga..dakapan mungkin menjadi satu-satunya penyelesaian..



7 perkara yang menakutkan

1. kematian
2. kehilangan keluarga dan rakan-rakan yang tersayang
3. kegagalan..ape2 je la yg gagal..
4. dipinggirkan
5. cacing..ulat..sume yg suke godek2 tu eeee..
6. tandas awam yang kotor. takut siott..
7. apabila whatshisname marah..



7 lagu paling digemari ketika ini

1. almost lover -a fine frenzy
2. witch hunt -kittie
3. i kissed a girl -katie perry sexy gile lagu ni..
4. ada untukkmu -nubhan hahaha bialahh..XD
5. over and over -three days grace
6. anarchy in the uk -sex pistols
7. violent pornography -soad ..layan balikk..



7 perkara paling bernilai

1. nyawa
2. agama
3. keluarga
4. rakan-rakan
5. survival instincts hehe..
6. kepercayaan dan pengorbanan
7. ketabahan dalam apa sahaja keadaan..



7 perkara yang paling meletup dimulut saya sekarang

1. ape cite wehh..
2. omg loser gaylord wtfayfkmplsbbnowaiii! =)
3. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!
4. HELLOOoo?!...*rant rant vent vent freight train..* hehe
5. suuda laa..
6. PLEASE LA..
7. hehe, u memang!..



7 pertama kali dalam hidup saya

1. dapat standing ovation daripada seluruh para hadirin selepas ucapan penutup saya semasa rotary debate '05 hehe..
2. ter-grab someone's crotch hehehe..X)
3. haha sameee dengan mia! masuk pertandingan scrabble walaupun tiba sungguhla lewat, tidak arif langsung dengan segala peraturannya pastu jadi johan negeri..XD
4. jatuh cinta pada kali pertama terhadap cody gilmore yang pada awalnya sungguhla menjelikkan perangainya terhadap saya..kemudian kasih itu berbalas..tetapi alangkah sayangnya, tidak lama selepas cinta berputik saya terpaksa pulang ke tanah air..
5. mandi berkemban di hadapan orang..ini..ini adalah suatu cabaran yang amat sukar bagi saya kerana seperti yang telah diketahui, boobs saya terlalulah petite..susah ya kain batik tersebut hendak kekal membalut badanku..SUSAH GILE OK! jadi akhirnya..saya mandi dengan memakai t-shirt and underwear sahaja..=)
6. melihat kekasih sehidup sematiku BILLY MARTIN beraksi dengan gitarnya di atas pentas tahun lepas....=D
7. menyayangi seseorang itu dengan sungguhnya begini..



7 orang yang kena jawab tag ini

1. eza
2. peoy
3. baby fadhliimran
4. nadiahmybunny
5. ahmadkey
6. intanchly if you read this..
7. billy martin!! hahaha

------------------------------

..but when you're home most of the time, and meeting people is rare, and getting enough hugs is so scarce..talking on the phone with your favourite people..a lot.. just to cheer you up works fine. =)

..see i am trying to feel better again. it's hard, but i'm not giving up on myself ..and neither should you.

hello world, i haven't felt this good in days. =)

aimi feels like giving everyone a biiiiiiiig hug!




oh and i'd rather go naked than wear fur.

anybody with me?..

..at night, i can't help at feeling..so misplaced.



i roll around in my sheets much, confused

..then i fall asleep.

so there's this dress that i "shud rewly rewly get.."

X)

it's from roxy and it's cute cos it makes me look at least a couple of inches taller. i'm talking creative visualisation ok stay with me here..

i can't quite decide whether i should get it or not. i'm not too keen on splurging that much on a simple cotton dress that i don't even know where to wear to. but it does feel good though. it feels gooood. caresses the figure well and such. anywho, i still haven't found my perfect lbd. the one like i found in cats whiskers, bangsar, more than a year ago while shopping for my dress for pasum's dinner. it was black and stiff-laced and cute and soooo fairy like..


..i regret not buying that one so much. =(

anywhooos..

i went out with..ahem..brace yourselves..

berlina, caryn, jolynn, beh, sam, yin teng, cassandra, pey shyan, li-shan, durga, durga's bf, 2 other acs dudes..

..last wednesday. =)

it was fun. and very much needed. OMFGaaay i needed that very, very much. a good dose of old mgs. we had lunch, took pictures, exchanged stories and such.. and CARYN! good God i haven't met caryn in literally years..last i saw her was when i lepak sekejap at acs with the lower-sixers 2 years ago. and she's not changed by much! just the way i like it. she talks a lot. has a LOT of opinions as usual..be it just about mash potatoes, whatever, you name it. that's why i love her to bits. i went to berlina's house and we went to pick her up and i was waiting in the car anxious to see what has become of her all this while. the others were heaps of fun too =). like i haven't met my ex-deskmate cass since i left school.. she was tall and she grew taller. some people are just so damn lucky it's annoying! everyone's everywhere now. but mgs-ians always find each other somehow at the end of the day..

i miss school.

we watched get smart! look me in the eyes.. THOU MUST WATCH THIS MOVIE.

it's really worth it i laughed almost to tears XD..

anyway. FRANCESSCA'S COMING BACK FROM MELBOURNE TODAY!! hence we are having dinner with her on sunday night. the four of us, just like old times, vinne, caryn, fran, and i. i can't wait can't wait..

and my um friends might..just miiight drive up to visit me since i'm always bailing out on their plans lately seeing as how i'm the only one with a house way up north. can't wait can't wait..

i am hungry tonight.

i finished watching season 2 of The Tudors last night.

it was all kinds of riveting. The Other Boleyn Girl can go cry in a dark corner now..

natalie dormer as anne boleyn this entire season just captivated me in all levels. she emitted the right amount of charm anne was told to have during her years of reign and even before that. last season she was just this ruthless, conniving bitch. this time around, she was a queen with such deliberate presence and seduction with the way she moved and ultimately spoke.

the recollection of history by this series all the way up to her unjustified death was spot on. from the delays. the tear-jerking confession before archbishop cranmer, how she became delirious and sometimes unusually thrilled awaiting her execution.. how heartbroken the tower constable kingston was seeing her fall apart although she insisted she was more than prepared to die, made friends with her lodge-maids in the tower of london, the story of her executioner's way of office, to trick the offender into looking into the distance as the sword comes swiftly from behind across the neck. just like history.

unlike natalie portman, the real anne boleyn was never a pile of tears and stammers on the scaffold addressing the public. she was as..merry as anything, determined to die a true english queen. though unjustly so.

i watched Sepi with the girls yesterday. it was good. anybody who's watched it and remembers what Imaan last said to Ean at the little bridge..do remind me..

Imaan's story taught me something. time may not waver memory, but on the other hand. memory does not..grow with time. letting go of some things is hard, but sometimes it's just inevitable. inevitable because dwellling in the past can consume you so much that it pains the others around seeing you in such a state. it pains me..

one thing about inevitability is just that..you must not stop it from happening. it's like an urge you just have to relieve. let go..move on. some things are just never meant to come back to you. and most of the time..not being able to accept that just makes a lot of things too difficult.

Imaan couldn't let go of the memory of her dead boyfriend whom she loved so much. it was so bad that she made herself believe that he never even did die. that he was still around. Ean saw this lonely girl whom he thought could use a hand to hold, to help her through this.

Friend: You just never give up do you..
Ean: Never..


letting go is hard. i should know. but when the chance comes, when the reason to move on comes your way..hoist it, embrace it..and let go..


i can only say this.. you have a chance to be loved..   take it.

behold my turmoil..that thou art my death. and my death..is thine.    ~aimisyaz 

oh i remember now what Imaan said last to Ean..

"Thank you for saving me.."