Not everyone can afford a happy ending. Wicked still, not everyone can afford a life long enough, even though destined for an ending denied of happiness. Not everyone can afford everything. Yet some cannot even afford...anything, altogether..

If I had my way, I would choose a life lived...than a life remembered..

Jane Austen told us stories of immaculate love, ones that stoop to common propriety at first but everyone eventually dies a happy man.

Jane dreamt of an immaculate love story for herself too.

I had just done watching Becoming Jane two days ago. A film that never reached Malaysia *yes I did not overestimate you that far to have it here anyway..*. It is about the life of Jane Austen and how she fell in love with a poor lawyer with a reputation called Mr. Lefroy.

I love films set in the Victorian times. IN FACT, I love ballroom scenes set in the Victorian times. I find Victorian balls incredibly diverting...I liked the Lizzie-Darcy scene in Pride and Prejudice because it was very coy and witty...but this..this is by far my favourite Victorian ballroom scene yet. It invokes such ardour in a scene that I can watch it over and over...

...especially when Mr. Lefroy surprises Jane by joining her in the dance there. Oh the eye contact, such cynical charms. I've had a peculiar crush on James McAvoy since forever and that half smirk is to die for. IT'S HIM BEING A GLASWEGIAN AND A BLARDY BRILLIANT ACTOR THAT HAS IT DONE I'M TELLING YOU!

Anyway...their love was unfavourable in all possible ways that...Jane died young, and never married.

It's ironic how a person can envision the best things love can do to people, and not be able to keep a similar story to herself...

That's how life is really. Sometimes if you're given cake, you're meant to share it out...more than you probably think you should.

...................

KL was great. Too good to be told. That's all. XD

------------------

Okay so I'd just done watching the final episode of Heroes season 2. YES IT'S DONE. 11 CHAPTERS ALL TOGETHER. ARE YOU KIDDING ME.....

This season has be something else, definitely. Less One Tree Hill more CSI meets Da Vinci Code. Lol. I like it that this time around the show doesn't revolve around particular people. Like Peter and Claire in the last one. Everyone's up and running. I loved it okay, I don't care I loved it.

I hope I don't spoil too much but Peter is one hot and angry bitch this season haha. The Peter-Kensei scene with the sword-slashing and lightning bolt-throwing down the corridor in the last episode was so cun I so mental-applauded ahahaha. I still can't accept the fact that in real life Milo is actually older than David Anders...

Hiro and Ando are forever dorkily adorable.

Frying Marn is smooth...

..see? Vote for Petrelli. XD

MY FAVOURITE CHARACTER THIS SEASON HAS GOT TO BE HORN-RIMMED GLASSES!! He fierce...

I remember how much I despised him in volume 1. You just inevitably grow to love him this time around. Makes you just go "You show'em Mr. Bennet!!" Even Peter can't match his air. X)

When Monroe was screaming in the coffin buried in the cemetery that was PRICELESS...hahahaha it was so stupid but trust 'Carp' to pull off some epic ending like that. IT WAS SO CUTE TAK TAHAN!! XD

But the ultimate ending.....I am not happy. Gimme Vol. 3 now let me see who lives....

NOOOOOOOW WHAT AM I GONNA WATCH. I'VE FINISHED THIS AND THE TUDORS AND MY DESPERATE HOURSEWIVES WON'T BUDGE AND EVERYTHING ELSE ARE ON HOLD RIGHT NOW.....

Bodohla this writers' strike...

Anyway, I love Heroes Behind the Scene candids don't you? And I love the dorky cast they look like they're a bunch of fun people to hang out with...

Elle is attempting to lightening-bolt Peter and he is afraid..

..so mighty Peter runs away and Elle is looking for him..

Peter grudgingly makes peace with Elle again and they continue...playing make up??..

..bitch is a big bully isn't she..tsk tsk...

...cos she hangs out with bigger bully Sylar...

Claire loves her third leg..

Kensei and Hiro play rock paper scissors!..

Frying marn is FRIED...vote for me you idiot!

Sylar is eager to eat his brain sandwich and Maja looks worried..

The Haitian shows some lurrrrve..

Matt complains to the writer that he wants a bigger part....BIGGER!

DL sneaks up on Mohinder..

XD..

Maja: ..bitch ain't gon' get ma bruvva...bring it!

West needs help with flying!!..

Dorks..

Dorkman and Molly..

Dorktrelli, Dorkezo Kensei, Cheerleadork. X)

One
I LOVE CRICKET. Ever since the time when the wicket was bigger than I, possibly. I used to play cricket every weekend. With random passers-by sometimes. I love cricket. My current ringtone is called 'A Game of Cricket'..

Two
I was a Tudor-geek in my class. I could do the Tudor jig and improvised an Elizabethan piece with the glockenspiel. Henry VIII Jonathan Rhys Meyers would be proud..

Three
I am not very good with little children.

Four
I am terrified of rollercoasters. And worms. No...worms more. Worms on a rollercoaster?! =death wish

Five
I don't like rain. I don't..like..rain. Rainy days kill my mood. Rainy days keep me inside. I prefer the sun.

Six
I can't stand show-offs for the life of I and the whole of humankind..

Seven
My hips and thighs are too wide for their own good..

Eight
I would like to be a Kendo pro someday..

I tag:

1. billy martin
2. nadiahbunny
3. cracker
4. baby
5. nj
6. yiwei
7. fairuz
8. i dont know..

Hello world. I am poorly.

Yesterday...I almost died. 

Of period cramps. 

Of period...fucking...cramps. I almost died...why won't you believe me?..

I had the corner of a pillow in my mouth, and I gnawed on it to ward off the pain. Whomever taught me such an ingenious practice forgot to tell me that it doesn't really ward off the pain...it just made my jaw hurt so I could forget about my tummy....for four seconds.

Imagine a diarrhoea for hours on end minus the ten loo breaks a day. And thick leather straps tightening around your inside so hard in rhythmic pulses you don't even know when's your cue to scream. So you just...chew on something. Anything. That's how serious my period cramps are. Every. Month. Sometimes...every two weeks.

I took 43572590345752784560193589457824529358239580400000000 painkillers panadols uphamols and pressed in some minyak cap kapak and cried to sleep. I woke up some fortnights later and felt like my tummy was already behaving praise the Lord. I stood up and my uterus weighed me down again and I couldn't walk upright for too long after that until now.

I planned to go jogging with some friends this afternoon...before my head started throbbing when I moved to fast. There's a painful ulcer in the septum of my nose. My occasional allergic irritations to cat fur plus the ulcer is making me want to be rid of my nose if I can help it (no of course I don't mean it, I love you nose). And now...the muscles in my whole body are aching...because, I think I'm getting a fever.

I don't understand je ne comprends pas m'aider, Dieu...

I feel so insecure. I despise feeling insecure. I want to be up and running literally.

Is this to somehow anti-compensate the horrid...horrid holiday I've had so far? Is it?...

I need serious rescuing now. I need a great big bear hug and steaming hot soup. And for kids to live me alone. Please. I beg you. My whole holidays have been about kids. Leave me alone...please...

I love the Backstreet Boys. Since forever, actually and I still love them
until now.
Beats teh krap out of them *~rock~* bands lol lol.

OH CAHHH MONNN you know you love them only losers don't hahaha. Look
at them trying to be all cute in the photo all grown-ups and DILFS that
they are haha...2 DILFS....Howie's a DILF-to-be..

..and genes work wonders sometimes seeing how Brian's kid turned
out to be such a cutie yes? =D

NOBODY MOCKS MY BSB-LOVE OK!

Anywho...

That is all.     = ) 

More meaningful posts later promise.. 

Well I had a fantastic weekend =).

I had my camera back from the shops after the whole goddamned 
lenses were changed and re-baptised it taking ten thousand pictures
of everything that made me happy about the weekend. Everything
everything everything about the weekend was brilliant probably
the best weekend I've had in months so completely
worry-free and peaceful.

We went to Bukit Merah Laketown Resort and stayed in one of
the water lodges in the Perkampungan Air where the service was
just deeeevine...the place was absolutely breathtaking I wished I
could've stayed there longer. Days there see beautiful sunrises and
heavenly nights where you can even see a huge spilled reflection of
the full moon on the surface of the lake. Fireflies hover by the dockside
and broad daylights see generous sun with the right amount of warmth
not too hot a tad bit breezy and the silhouettes it creates onto the
boardwalks were perfect.

We fished by the waterfront day and night, went into the water park
obviously but I LOVED the ecopark the most even after the third time
or so. But it was definitely less populated this time. Most of the birds
were gone, got rid off because of the avian flu years back..poor babies.
I HAD LOADS OF FUN END OF DISCUSSION. =)

Ahh bliss.....I want a bearcat (the black baby that's climbing all
over me up there ^^) to keep and squeeeeeze everyday =D.
It was gooooorgeous. It was like a giant black racoon with thick
coarse fur. I only petted its head before it started nuzzling me
and literally climbed over my shoulder with its cute but massive
paws and it was really heavy but very gentle and it only stopped
climbing until it got me bent over and he was lying comfortably
on my back with its huuuuge fluffy tail hanging over my face.
LOL SOOOOO ADORABLE I WANTED TO KIDNAP IT!!! XD

..moar pictures in my Facebook albums.. 

--------------------

In other news, ok I lied, I still like you. I really don't have much time now, but I like you.

Cheers! 

...because I  love life  TOO MUCH and have a lot to be grateful for to just give it all up for one measly person that probably thinks I'm dispensable enough.

=) 

Like I said, I love life.
But I can't help at noticing how I am not handling it particularly well lately.

It truly amazes me beyond proportions how unexcited I am to go back
to Shah Alam in the next few days. Next few ~unconfirmed~ number of
days. See the good kids are going back and registering into the residential
colleges tomorrow today. But we all know I'm not one of the good kids.
And if there isn't some unfortunate mess I got myself into that stops me from
going back on the right date, it's just that I can't be bothered about shit that's all. 

So here I am, half past four in the morning, lamenting I mean God loser,
get over yourself..

Let me explain to you how my life these days have been a hot
mess...

1. I haven't been sleeping well at all.

2. I haven't been eating well in days.  

3. My room is a pig sty and I'm still figuring out where the funky smell
is coming from..Biscuit is migrating from sleeping underneath all that
rubble on the bed to inside the wardrobe...smart woman.

4. Even if I sleep at all it's when I fall asleep on Charlie's pot belly on
the room carpet definitely with the lights on till dawn. Every time
I wake up it will be after some weirdass dream about bombing attempts
and trains and cable cars and being left behind by loved ones...talk
about insecurity. I would wake up frantically looking for a watch..clock
anything with time on and then get all upset thinking how much time
I've wasted dozing off..

5. I've been spending like someone who's about to commit suicide
after learning about her bankruptcy..ie I don't care I don't care I'm
gonna spend all the money I have now I don't care I'm going to die
anyway..2 terry slippers..WHY THE HELL would I need 2 freaking
terry slippers?!..

6. I randomly pick up the phone, call a random friend, and start talking
real fast about some loser crap-spur of the moment random kindaf things
like..conscience and why I'm bora-bora island and he is just an abandoned
beach and gay rights and a friend posing nude online and much much
ado about nothing really and oh yeah Aizuddin...

7. My hostel stuff are FAR from packed..

8. I get extremely upset when people bail out on me...I am
running out of time to compromise delays and my plans being
cancelled.
I repeat, extremely upset..

9. I keep leaving things all over the place. My phone charger at
the bowling alley, my muesli bars in Mia's car, a rm10 missing, my
facial wash at the lodge, and this important thing, and that thing I
can't live without, and this other thing I spent my entire life craving
for..oh and my composure too..but that is #10's
to deliberate..

10. See, number 10 is about you. Yes you. You wouldn't belieeeve
how much of this holiday I have spent, in between takes, thinking
about you. And that is definitely one hot mess right there. I can't quite
put my finger on it but it's definitely overwhelming. You know something?
I went over it with a friend the other day and the thing is...as much as
I know I shouldn't waste my time much on something definitely
unconvincing like this, I really don't like walking out of someone's life
completely without leaving a mark. Do you know what that means?
That means, I will be unpleased...to death...if you ever decide that I
am as meagre as only mildly interesting if not uninteresting at all!
You see, as far as I would like to get at least, is to make you realise
what you've lost once you do lose me. What you're missing when
you will miss me and the best part about this is that I shall be all
round spontaneous and see through as I possibly can be with no
space for pretense. This will be less about winning you more to winning
my own back. I want you to stop stereo-typing me if you've even
started. I want you to pay attention well before you even begin to
compare. Here's another movie to add to your list. Chuck out
The Notebook it's a piece of lame ass crap. Get Elizabethtown.
That's how it should be. That's how it's going to be. Once again, I
am running out of time. But oh wait.....you're running out of
time too. So let's see who wins first. =)

You know the only thing I can think of to make me feel better
about going back to Shah Alam is to surround myself with friends
galore. Mia will be staying over one of these days. Naya too. And
Sufi hopefully. And the UM gang will be obliged to kidnap me
OFTEN...

Being around loved ones makes me feel incredibly safe. And yes okay,
I am emotionally dependent on most days. At the same time, I also
embroil myself in trust issues with many people and concluding
everything here...the close friends I have so far...as far away as they
may be, as unavailable they are these days, as unreachable as they
can be most of the time...well I am grateful enough for them. I don't
think I am pressured to make any more best friends than the ones I already
have. =)

i  am booked for new years all night long..

an indie gig on saturday..

and dadday accomplished at getting me a 2-person room at the residential college

THERE'S YOUR MOTIVATION RIGHT THERE BITCH...

LOL Alhamdulillah...things can't get any better now can it?

.....except maybe the part where I've opened a new Deviantart account to entertain
you people that I so dearly love see aren't I nice when life is kind to me??    XD

http://aimisyaz.deviantart.com
(yes i  is a amateur don't judge me!....=D)