Sometimes...

You have to prepare yourself to accept the consequences that will by fate defy all things beautiful that you imagined should happen. You have to let go from trusting too much that fairness works evenly amongst everyone that has thus far held so much belief in something simple that we all thought could never go wrong.

Sometimes we have to move on a little sooner than we thought we would.

What's more heartbreaking, is that sometimes.......you have to move on to a comfort zone, a little further than where you thought would keep you close enough to the resounding memories of the past, that you could just never let go...

Sometimes, it's best that you're the farthest away...

----------------------------

Diari Akademi Fantasia's on telly now. I dont really do follow-ups on the show this time. But today the kids are having their vocal training with the choir version of Injit-injit Semut...as soon as I heard them start from the kitchen, I rushed into the tv room going, "That's my part the guys are singing. That was my solo part in choir...," and then I left the room because it made me miss choir and college......

hmm...

 No more college hence less photos...

No I'm not saying it like, fyi-wise, I'm moping to myself. Remember those days, whenever I updated it will be almost picturefilled only, less talking, because I just couldn't be bothered or didn't have the time to tell stories...yeah it reeks now I have to write to fill the space and have to think deep too. My inspiration to write has always been depth. I'm not really in the mood for depth these days, save me.

Life has been dead boring. DEAD BORING. I say that to everyone who asks how things are treating me. I'm allowed to roam freely with the car now but I'm not one of those psychotic loons who gets all excited and wants to travel the world till minutes to midnight and beyond once they've been given the green light to drive. Don't really fancy driving that much...rather be driven around...I only take the car out (which isn't even mine entirely) when I feel like going to several places at a time and don't want to trouble the adults.

I am an adult in denial it doesn't count so shut up.

X)

The parents have important, family affairs to attend to so I ought not bother them on taking me out too often. Plus, they're not really the type that likes to walk around much. Me, when I'm at the mall I try to move around at breakneck speed...especially when the townspeople are all there, big fussy crowds annoy me. So half the time I'd be walking around, double take and see the family missing....lol, parentsku...

So when shopping, I'd rather do it alone. When driving, I am a road rage. You'd most likely find me going "OI NAK MATI KE?!" or "OMG, MOVE OVER BTCH, WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?!!?!"...and the likes. It's really refreshing actually...lol. I get a lot of confidence that way. Makes me be more in control of my position. The mother of all reasons I don't really like driving is having losers around driving like demented lunatics so inconsiderate of MY FUGGING P STICKER you retards!!!

But otherwise I am a sensible driver, me. Please, do ride with me when you have the chance of me being nice enough to inisist......XD

I think I want to join Deviantart. But I haven't been artsy in a long while. I have a work in pending for a friend by request. It's going to be a sketch of a very anime-like woman with long locks and a diamond tiara.....I don't do Japanese art. Therefore I'm yet to find inspiration...

I have started a Myspace account...but I think I wanna give that up now can't be bothered to the whole customising my profile and shit. I may be bored and my free time is unlimited, but I don't feel like using it up that desperately...lol.

Somebody salvage me.

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//edited:

THE ARTIC MONKEYS ARE FROM SHEFFIELD SOUTH YORKSHIRE GREAT BRITAIN THEREFORE I NOW MUST SOMEHOW INSANELY BE A FAN OF THEIRS!~

Yesterday I went for TV3's Jom Heboh. It was super lame. Too overrated. I hated it....(wah gile ganas...XD)

I hated the fact that the Malay community now is being stereotyped by the very concern of the local entertainment industry about what best tickles our fancy by organising something like Jom/Sure Heboh. My opinion is that it depicts how Malays are in warped favour of havocs and low-quality leisure. And true enough that's what I saw yesterday. Teenage garbage in groups of rempits and goth-wannabes and skas and grunge-sters and the typical shit. With the carrot-cropped trousers, tight statement-tees with bad English, walking around with slags as girltoys...in fact one group of rejects tried to chat me up I was uber disgusted like what makes you think I'd even at the very least want to look at you hello if you're supreme retardness cannot respect me at least respect the fact that I'm walking with my MUM. Eeeeeee...geli syal.

And the girls aren't any better either. Mini skirts, corset imitations and greasy hair that sticks to the scalp very unflatteringly repeat after me...TRASH QUEENS!!!! The only guys you children deserve are the exact ones I described in the last paragraph. I AM BEYOND REPULSED OKAY. It's mega humiliating that probably most of the non-Malays would typically see the Malays like this. Complete mistakes. I can't even start to guess what their parents were thinking letting such social outcasts on the loose. I'm sorry that some parents just lost the control but hey, my parents succeeded in seeing that their children gow up to be decent people although not the best of children ever, so in the end...NO EXCUSES.

So yeah, Jom Heboh REEKED.

----------

Onto frustration factor numero dos...subtitled: I can't wait to see Hannaaaaaaaaa...

It's dead annoying really when you're looking forward to seeing people and they disappoint you with reasons why they can't time and time again. Yes I know most of the time it's not their fault that they have plans or other priorities, so don't talk beforehand that you have all the time in the world to be wasted. Maybe before anything else you should say something oh I don't know, like, "Yes I'll be in town for the long holiday but just to let you know, I won't be free on Mondays Tuesdays Wednesdays Thursdays Fridays Saturdays Sundays and all bank holidays," because then I wouldn't be cancelling and replanning my days every so often and be quite irritated in the end. I'm not looking for a reason for anyone to spend money just to meet up hell I don't mind just coming over for a chit chat you don't even have to trouble your parents to drive you out. It's a complete bull that you  don't mind wasting your credit contacting my dad through me for test marks but could never in months reply to any of my messages. So now I'll keep things to myself, and plan my own things without considering as much.

Can't wait also till Tika comes back from Aus so that I have a reason to go visit KL and the girls!~

-------------------------------

A couple of nights ago was ace though. I scored a 135 average at bowling despite not playing for proper months X). Before that I actually, out of all ridiculous humility popped into the music store to ask for...electric guitar strings to commemorate my profound love for Billy Martin. I almost pronunced 'gauge' wrongly to embarrass myself but thanks to having to learn Archimedes physics I..er...said it right. Lol. So it was ''electric guitars, Gauge 12, heavy one, 1 set...'' The nice man looked down at me obviously amused @_@ and said in a friendly manner..."Oh sorry, no we only have up to 10, 12 is too...heavy" yes with a slight delay before the 'heavy' and a smirk. Did I look that naive...pfff. So I added, pretending I understood and everything, "Ohhhh of course...yeah...it's for a friend, anyway thank you!" Lol. I need a crash-course electric guitars 101 and that from Billy babes...

I've just finished watching Little Britain series 3!!! OMFG it was funny as. Better than series 2 they unbanned and are showing on StarWorld again. Plus the one on telly has sooooo many bits cut out. WHAT HAPPENED TO BUBBLES DEVERE?!?!!? Classic. It's a sad case that Matt Lucas is a real gay and got married end of last year to long time beau...eee. At least David Walliams' straight, haha. He recently swam across the English Channel for 10 hours straight and raised 1 million pounds for a sports relief fund. Yay! SEBASTIAN LOVE THE PRIME MINISTER'S AIDE IS STILL MY FAVOURITEST!!!

Even Kate Moss stood alongside Vicky Pollard (Lucas) in one of the episodes as Tracy, Vicky's sister!!...Vicky: "Lose some weight you fat bitch!"

Lous and Andy even have their own wax figurines at Madamme Tussaud's!!....XD

CAN'T WAIT FOR SERIES 4!!!!!!!

I just finished watching THE LITTLE MERMAID!!!

It was beautiful....*sobs*.

Lol, in all seriousness though, it was inspiring...me to feel or do what I don't know but I like it so shat up don't gimme Thai evawlss (evils) !! ...Vicky Pollard style. Haha.

And don't bother expressing pity either cos I'm over moping on my behalf and just sucking it all in I mean, in 2 months time I'll start complaining over the load of work I'll be getting. My first ever taste of a proper 'assignment' and that. When the other foundation kids had to worry about projects and surveys and assignments and shit I only had to mind my tutorials and lab reports, nothing more. Lol, so yeah, I haven't yet had a go on one of them watchamacallit...assignments ;P.

Today I gave Biscuit a bath. She well needed it I found frickinn bloobsucking worms on my bed damnit. Not the real fugly type but tiny tiny ones more like silverfish except smaller and without the shiny scales. They're very small. FYI I'm deathly terrified of worms. So yeah second to the fear of death is probably my fear of worms. Wormophobia.....er, real name go google it I just made that up X).

Anyway, so naturally when I first found ut about this...this infestation and the fact that Biscuit always always sleeps with me I had my to sister help me do a pest-control on my bed and everytime she went "Got one.." I'd be squirming or jumping up and down even though I didn't even do so much as look at it, lol. But yesterday I did for the first time. Before that I had the mental image of the little buggers as black and slimy like mini leeches but they're not really, rather...harmful looking. But worms are worms. And they make me look like wimps so I spring-cleaned the whole room yesterday being necessarily paranoid over the whole issue. 

 -----

The girls back in KL are all hyped up about going to the zoo, round for a picnic maybe, roadtrip around the city, the usual, and Tika and I are really worked up about it in not an angry way but have been oh-so-begging them to WAIT BEFORE WE'RE IN TOWN. OMG, the zoo?! I like the zoo!! There's no other place that I feel more at home than at zoos, safaris, a field full of fluffy sheep, the aquarium....lol, no, for real now. I like the zoo. Better still, going in a great big, LOUD bunch, we can make the monkeys and marmosets look up to us XD.

------------

I have a Coffee Bean date tomorrow. It's nice to have someone to see and share gossips and stories with. Now that I rarely touch the phone cos I don't get campuszone rates anymore boohoo. Coffee dates are nice.

--------------

And I might be looking for a job later. Make a useful being out of myself, I should, lol. When my UiTM homies get back. God, even spoilt Drill works. At Miss Selfridges One Utama branch again which is so cool despite being turned down by The Gap...her biggest motivation to pick The Gap over Miss Selfridges in the beginning where she has a higher rep at was because........there are bigger-than-life posters of Wentworth Miller all over its walls........*eyes rolling*

-----------------

My Desperate Housewives are taking ages to download. I have been outdated ever since I left for college. Yes I may be a series behind but dude I cannot miss anymore Desperate Housewives. At the same time I caught myself binging too much. And eating big. That's the problem you have when you have a wonderful cook for a mother. I have tasted other friends' mothers cooking and the only mother I've found to be in par if not better than her is Fran's mum. MY MUM is a wicked cook. She is the epitome of Jamie Oliver doing Malay cuisine. Goes easy on the salt and sugar, but always rich with succulent flavours. Her white meat are always tender. Her reds are always sliced the right way; crossection rather than vertically like most gerais do. Her seafood, at best are always plump and full...prawns and cuttlefish always fresh and the fish are never hard. Therefore I conclude I am growing fatter by the minute. I need to start exercising regularly again. Cut down on carbs and everything in between. Plus, what with my darling siblings always bringing me back knick knacks from school........I CAN'T STAND THE TEMPTATION!!!!!

Anyone knows if bananas help lose blubber?...because it really is starting to become my snack-fetish, bananas...ahah.

=)

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I have also been browsing through more music. More and more music. More music. Broadening my listening scope. I'm...yet to try and sccept screamo, not there yet, still pretty unbearable sometimes, haha. Punk Goes Acoustic 2 is out in 2 months, therefore I shall start downloading!!! And Silverstein's New One TOOOOOOO....yay. I am also memorising guitar riffs in my head for no professionally musical purposes whatsoever, ahaha. I turn on MTV and start scrutinising video clips for no apparent reason...I don't know what I'm trying to accomplish XD. The other day I was alone in front of the TV and John Farnham of the 80's came on singing this hit I can't remember what it was called but I remember I used to be VERY into it and this coming from someone not really into 80's music...and started yelling to the chorus out loud. It was amazing I still remembered since the last time I heard it was a good 8 years ago on our roadtrip around Europe, lol.

"You're the voice tryta understand it. Make a noise and make it cleeeeeeear ooooooooooh...WOOOoooooooh. We're not gonna sit in silence. We're not gonna live with feeeeeeear oooooooooh...WOOOoooooooh..."

I was singing with such amorous passion, on bended knees oozing drama and all, my sister came out of her room and was like..."Dah mule dah buat gile die..."

IT HAD BAGPIPES DOING THE INTERLUDE OKAY?!!!?!?

X)

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MySpace kindav sucks. The people suck. I get reeeeally pathetic messages and comments all the time. I'm not gonna talk to anyone unless those I know for the time being...

--------------------

BILLY............I LOVE YOU BABES...

I was too mesmerised....

---------------------------

I should now start thinking what to get my excellent cook MOTHER, lol, for Mothers' Day...

1. She's gorgeous. Sometimes...I get really jealous of her, haha.

2. She's a great cook.

3. My mum...well God must've put extra thought and tenderness when crafting her because she's been through great things, felt the greatest of emotions both good and not.... and a stray, semi-delinquent of a child that I am just doesn't deserve such a wonderwoman.

Mum is not one of those high-society home-making ladies who spend weekends having tea-parties at friends houses, not one who has her name muttered telling of her accomplishments or multi-hundred talents that can turn other housewives icky green. Sometimes I think she deserves much more a celebration than that. She is as simple as a human being can be...that sometimes I'm at a lost in trying to impress her, only her alone and nothing that others can share. When Mothers' Day come year after year I crack my skull open trying to figure out a gift that would make her so pleased she'll never want to share it with anyone!

Year after year...come birthdays and mothers' days and wedding anniversaries...each gift are never used completely and most of the time it annoys me. A watch will be given to the sister when hers break. An expensive bowling ball will be given to the brother when he decides he's more comfortable when using that one. A pot of lush skin care goo from last year is barely touched. A bottle of eau de toilet is now on the sister's dressing table. A little box of Hermes moisturiser.....she decided I would want it more. Good God woman, do us all a favour and indulge for once, please...

So then I'd sit down, once again, and muse. Maybe it takes a lot more to give to cater to her indulgence...

------

Mum had a bitter childhood of little motherly love living with a mother who was very demanding. She had a the most patient man ever for a father and he was who she always turned to for a bit of tlc. The family was far from being well-off. She was deprived of the chance to really excel in school, having to come home to housewaork everyday ever since she was five.

Growing up she became a heartbreaker, lol. Everyone loved her. She was so sweet-natured everyone wanted to know her. But then came along this short-tempered, clumsy, STUBBORN, compulsive, egotistic, yet unfairly intelligent college boy was lucky enough to own her. Then they got married. 20 years now and marriage life has proven to not always be smooth sailing. They are the total opposites of each other. And most of the time if they had a row she'd be the one backing down to his i'm-right-just-right antics. I swear to God if she wasn't THE most patient woman in the universe I'd be living with a single parent. Lol. My dad is one lucky snob. XD

Thing is I can't help at be amazed at how much she's been through and yet manages to see the best in life. She always puts everyone else's needs first. The neighbours love her because she loves helping out whenever she can (well except the nextdoor neighbour who oh-so-hates her because she's MEGAJEALOUS of her and goes around dissing our family to other people, hi bitch your son's a junkie...). She's God-fearing, gives to charity, adoooores animals even talks to stray cats passing by when she's gardening outside, a very very humble person who's unbelievably forgiving and everything in between. I INHERITED MORE GENES FROM THE FATHER THEN I GUESS, lmao.

I have always been the emotionally-independent first-born. Hardly let the family see me in a wreck of feelings. Part of gaining trust I guess, if I show too much they might think I'm not mature enough for certain things. So, even though I've always been closer to Mum than Dad, I used to not tell her a lot of things in the past. These days I find it easier to tell her at least some things. But then...I realised, I probably have concealed too much, now that we don't share exactly the same wavelength as we probably used to. Then again I know most of the time I shouldn't beg to differ because the things she's trying to get through to me are the best wishes a mother would want for a daughter. Maybe I'll understand when I'm older. I'm just not in a phase in life where I want to really care about anything uptight.

The other day I was in the car on the way home with her. I was telling her about a couple of friends who are most probably getting married one of these days and obviously at the end of that she asked if I was seeing anyone.

Me: Mum, 19 year old boys are like...boys. They watch porn in big groups, wank themselves every other day, tell really lame dirty jokes, play cs and dota, compare with each other who has the biggest pile of empty cigarette packets in their rooms, try dating 5 girls one after another from the same social circle just because they can't make their minds up, and the ones who get lovesick for real get scarily mushy and sappy it's so gay. Well except my close friends and most of my friends' boyfriends, ahah. If I do want one now, which I kindaf don't,  It'd be one who's a year older and has a car.......X)

Mum: *eyes rolling probably thinking I raised a gold-digging bee-otch, lol* Ade ke macam tu! Ish, you should like, enjoy life to its fullest now because boyfriends can be overprotective and you probably won't be allowed to do half the things you're doing now like you won't get to scream to your rock-whatever music and stuff and go all embarassingly psychotic like you do when you're with your girlfriends and they get super jealous and stuff you'd have to like, worry about keeping them happy most of the time...

Me: I want zero-commitments so it's kindaf out of the question, this, lol. I probably also want a reeeeeally athletic musician with an impeccable command of English anyway they don't come around easily....X) *Mum stares*...

Haha, I was kindaf serious but whatever, was glad we were on the same page...

All in all, my Mum's cool. She may have raised a rebel who can't stay put ever XD...but for what it's worth, I will try to be a better child who should be just a weeee bit less outspoken, maybe a leeeeettle less mean and bitchy, not so lazy, smile more and stop being so judgemental towards the world or something.......=)

HAPPY MOTHERS' DAY IBU!!!!!!!......and also to mothers around the world!!! 

X)

When I left UM, I had this random desire to try out at ice-hockey.....

...doesn't it look cool though? I sortav have this wack 'fetish' of crashing into people in games. I crash into people during basketball the guys start whining, lol. I remember I used to crash into some of the girls' boobs at futsal practices, pinning them onto the side-nettings. . I love full-force collisions!! When I was little I LOVED LOVED loved watching rugby with the father and it was our perfect father-daughter thing to do. I loved rugby because there was A LOT OF DRAMATIC BODY CONTACT it used to get me all excited, ahaha. At home when my brother's walking around I'd bang into his arm with mine off-guard, lol. Can't do that to the sister she's going through that hormonal me-against-the-world phase these days =P. Ice-hockeying......speed and force. PERFECT!!!

Um....anyone wants to join me?..........................................=)

PASUM semester 2 results are coming out next Monday. I'd be a big fat liar if I said I'm feeling completely indifferent about it, I am so not. A nice comfy place in the Veterinary Medicine Faculty, Universiti Putra Malaysia, that's all I'm asking. Please.

Although....it'd be reeeally nice if I could get back into UM. But I'd probably be doing biotech or genetics (which is bloody hard but funnn) or  something.

Occasionally I get the very common persuadings from the parents to reconsider Medicine. And these days I find myself being even more harshly dismissing over any simple think-twice plead. I know...really, that they're very very supportive over my choice when almost every other of their friends kids would go for the typical golddigging professions. That's why I feel like hugging them everytime they say really encouraging things like "Bagus lah jugak, orang lain susah-susah nak jadi doctor anak kite jadi Vet. Lain sikit."

Yeah it's not a Houses of Parliament type of confidence-boosting speech but getting it out of them it's a big accomplishment already.

Speaking of the parliament, I may not know much about Malaysian politics nowadays that I've given up on knowing about a cabinet of idiots with gamble their ignoramosity with our right of HAPPINESS. What I do know is....oh wait, I've just said it in my last sentence...=)

Malaysia still has a lets-laugh-out-loud-together reputation of the country in between Thailand and Singapore and just across the Strait from Sumatra, end of story. Malaysian Airloons paid millions of Malaysian Ringgit to sponsor a frickin' first division English football club just so that the word 'Malaysia' was etched into the back of their jerseys as an official sponsor. And then some Malaysian reporters made a spontaneous 'lets ask the crowd' survey' going from one Briton to another, "Do you know anything about the country Malaysia?" and time and time again getting the usual, "Sorry no, I 'ant 'eard of it, mate..."

Shame, shame. What more are we to do to reiterate ourselves that the Malaysian government is making a complete laughing stock of themselves? Indonesia and Thailand need not pay any first world country to gain cheap fame.... Singapore need not build the almost exact imitation of The London Eye to attract foreign affection.... Other countries poorer than us have bred cultures they can be proud of. Well I'll give you one of Malaysian cultures that we can boast of its abundance--->corruption .....with a big, hideous, smile....

We like this, don't we? Ever since the Zaman Kesultanan Melayu Melaka, we let the foreigners and the wealthy take advantage of our lust for 'gift moneys' and servanthood to filthy bribery that it has long made a domain in our flesh. And so, many Sultans and royal officials gain the best of wealth they could own. They gamble dignity and justice for money. They further enslave lapdogs beneath them to their benefit with their artificial power. We have been made to look like pathetic fools thinking that our histroty has a majestic cocktail of culture and racial tradition. Tunku Abdul Rahman was away from the public eye, an avid gambler and an alcoholic. Depsite his glory of fathering independence, as a true Malay, was he living up to that lifestyle? Remember, history is always written by winners, and only of their winnings.

What I make out of a bit of what the parliament are doing these days, is that maybe in a sense they are trying to ...repent our ancestors' case of ...'glitches when deciding what's best for the country' so to speak. Building ten thousand white elephants keep in mind ONLY IN KUALA LUMPUR to supposedly regain our lost pride and good reputation. Carbon-copying the exact replica of the cars issued by a foreign company but with obvious lack of quality. Have they ever given the thought to calling the whole world to acknowledge the Visit Malaysia 2007 campaign, yes with everything from high-end boutiques to bird parks to bizarre sky-scrapers....and yet schools in rural Sabah and Sarawak have sent in pleas after pleas to consider their right to a better future than another 20 years of survival in wooden buildings without fans.

You keep shunning away our needies behind drawn curtains and lavishing the foreigners with the best of luxuries. I don't get why it is so important to get the world's attention on us when we have so much leaking ceilings unrepaired and bad reputation not buried. We try earning the millions from tourism yet the money goes BACK to improving tourism, so when are we getting our fair share of benefits? You urge us to buy local products and you ask us to close one eye to bad quality. You persuade us to go cuti-cuti Malaysia than abroad to help imrpove our economy for the betterment of our country, when all this while our country has only been about YOU and less about US.

I was browsing through random blogs and this quote I like, "The problem with Islam is the Muslims."

If there are ever threats to the religion as being inhumane, unjust, and insanely barbaric I think this would be the right retaliation. Should there be a request to a further elaboration on such a blunt retort, okay, let's have it. =)

Oh, btw, this is not a my-religion-is-better-than-your-religion debate, I promise.

It has been long believed that Islam is a religion that encourages brutality to anyone just about anyone who stands up against it. People have long had the assumption that the God that rule Muslims wants us to gather a herd of men in turbans and women in 'draped curtains' to take over the world and its constitutions at the tip of the sword.  I blame...lol, I blame the ignorant for blatantly accusing without giving a benefit of the doubt, I blame even more, the Muslims who, up to this point, have not seen it to our best interest to be more diplomatic at EXPLAINING THINGS LIKE CIVILISED PEOPLE DO rather than bashing everyone up with criticisms and setting churches and synagogues on fire. *eyes rolling once...rolling twice*

You battle diplomacy, WITH diplomacy. If the world doesn't want to listen, ask them questions to your benefit then. BE NICE.

HOW ABOUT MAKE A GOOD IMPRESSION? PEOPLE LIKE GOOD IMPRESSIONS, NO?

The westerners have the idea that Islam promotes the humiliation of women and that we are deprived of equal rights. I say, for every single time someone challenges the obligation of a muslim woman to cover their heads, let the women speak for themselves. Not women under the threat of a war-condemned country where they are mistreated by the men in ways that infuriate you as much as they infuriate me. And certainly NOT men who speak in harshness and very little reasoning. It is not the men who determine how we present ourselves. They do not confine us. Ask those who wear the head scarf by the will of the heart. Ask those who really believe they are entitled to a well-explained women's rights. Ask me. I may not know everything but I promise I won't snap. =)

There have also been endless speculation that the Muslim way of life is abusive to animals. I of all people should beg to differ yes! You can trust me to speak for the animals' well-being. Lol. Whenever there is an outcry against the 'ruthless' method of animal slaughtering by the Muslim and Jews in a non-Muslim/Jewish country they have mishandled the situation by setting another outcry of 'disprespect of religious rights' or...'let's burn 10 Downing Street down because the government's being a bitch about our halal/kosher meat needs!' Not everyone, mostly it's the radical lunatics that are like this. BE NICE. Be gentlemen. Yes the government may be deliberately closing an eye to scientific researches by the westerners themselves that our method does actually give shit to mercy and hygiene, so go a further distance. Give assurance to UN's WHO, to big organisations like...the World's Biggest Veterinary Association if there is one, or something. STOP YELLING for God's sakes.

The west practices the killing of livestock by captive bolt pistol (CBP) stunning,

This method involves driving a bolt either through the skull to damage the brain, or just a concussive blow to the head to render the animal unconscious before slitting through the neck therefore killing it. LET ME SPEAK THROUGH EXPERIENCE, OKAY. I had to perform a Biology experiment once back in college, where I had to drive a blunt-tipped needle into a LIVE FROG'S SKULL, and damage the brain to observe its responses after brain-death. THE FRICKIN FROG DID NOT DIE, NEITHER WAS IT UNCONSCIOUS. It was very much awake but brain-dead. It responded very slowly but was in great pain I know. IT'S THE SAME THING. You are causing extreme pain to the animal and inflicting a slow and agonising death to it. You are only delaying its death and dragging its torture. Prof. Schultz of Hanover University, Germany, performed a research to study the brainwaves of CBP-stunned animals. The nervous-reactions caused by the concussion and brain-damage showed very prominent, very extreme brainwaves for minutes too long before death indicating enormous pain.

Electric head-only stunning

EVER WONDER WHY ELECTROCUTION I.E. THE ELECTRIC CHAIR IS A FORM OF TORTURE FOR BAD PEOPLE?! BECAUSE IT HURTS LIKE HELL. And head-only electrocution puts the animal into sleep but keeps the heart beating thus facilitating blood draining when the animal is being cut. It is believed that both methods have a high rate of failure due to the wrong stunning location on the head leaving the animal unconcious for too short-a-time.

Waterbath stunning

Poultry is hung upside-down and their heads are immersed in a waterbath with high voltage. Pretty much the same as electric head-only stunning. Electrocution....enough said.

Other methods are those such as gassing (by carbon dioxide or argon) and sticking (driving a knife through the animal's neck to cut blood supply to the brain)

"God calls for mercy in everything, so be merciful when you kill and when you slaughter, sharpen your blade to relieve its pain". 

The Muslim/Jewish method is to slit the throat through the large jugular veins swiftly with a sharp knife to ensure immediate death and very little pain. Etiquettes also include to never reveal the blade to be used to the animal before killing it, never put the animal in trauma of knowing its forecoming death, the animal to be slaughtered must be well and in good shape (no disabilities) especially none caused by human mishandling because we would not want to kill an animal that is injured and in pain. The blade must be clean and not smothered by the blood from previous slaughtering to ensure the hygiene of the meat. Slaughter must be done in the name of God.

Researches have proven that this method cause little pain as not only the blood-supply to the brain is stopped, excessive blood-loss impedes the feeling of pain as the heart keeps pounding and most of the blood contained leaves the body thus contributing to the hygenic quality of the meat as most diseases reside in the blood. The only unconciousness involved is a permanent one that does not mess with brain signals.

The main point is INSTANT DEATH. The westerners are frowning upon this method just because there's more blood involved than their methods. I ask you, if you were to die an inevitable death, would you choose for it to be as quick as having a slit to throat, or be consumed by toxic gas and suffer from brain-haemorrhage to blood-poisoning before dying slowly, or have a massive blow to the head and waking up once in a while feeling agonising pain as the butcher cut your limbs one by one, or have thousands of volts being driven into your head and staying alive while they still cut you up?.....

I may not be a vegan yet, but for the animals I consume, I make sure that they were given the best of respect before they died. Some of you might remember my 4 months-long strike against eating chicken when I saw that they were being transported by a lorry in squashed crates of a dozen birds each where their broken limbs were sticking out through the bars....when I heard that chickens were being tossed around int he abattoirs before they met their fate with the blade.
I still am disgraced.

I NEED MY NAYA TODAAAAAYYYY!!!....

And my Nadiah and Drill and Tasnim....

This will be the first time that I'll face my results without Naya and it's not being easy on me. I can't fucking sleep tonight thinking about it it's 0334 hours. I have just watched Blades of Glory and it was frickinn hilarious. So awesome I was laughing by myself just to kill the fear. YES I'M DONE WITH BEING NERVOUS NOW, GONE BEYOND THAT I AM DEALING WITH ULTIMATE FEAR NOW. I am listening to Dashboard Confessionals' Stolen for the kajillionth time because in case nobody noticed the chorus is so soothing it's like euthanasia anaesthetic to my twitching insides.....

I honestly don't know how this is going to turn out. For a whole month I've been living in complete ignorance and everybody knows you have to tend to unfinished business until it's kind enough to leave you alone in the end. This time though, I have no one to walk with me to the office and say it's going to be okay we screwed up just the same you bet and realised we didn't do that bad afterall. No one to hug. No one to scream with. Just me and the bloody college website that I haven't even been checking out if nobody was making a big fuss on Friendster counting down to results day I wouldn't even know when it's coming out. (It's so cool by the way that when I thought Friendster was starting to bore me I realised that it was my ultimate channel to still be a part of my ex-PASUM community).

This is threateningly scary. I want my girls to run to after getting my Godforsaken cgp-frickin-a out of joy...or woe.

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Results checked. The last time I got an -A for Biology was for SPM. Damnit.

Though I hardly doubt, considering the high competition, that I'd be getting a place in UM again () but I'll take any chances I've got and it's such a strategic place and I'd love to go back there supposedly I don't make it to vet school which will.....definitely be a crying shame. Most of my side-dished courses are at UKM but I'm not so keen on living there because it's not exactly close to anything or anywhere or anyONE important to me. =)

If I do get my first choice, it'll be the one sole dream I've strived to achieve since I was eleven. And that to me will be a great accomplishment. Another less serious post coming right up.

My daily comfort snack is a banana. It's soft, moist, simple and quick. Pun so not intended...XD.

We're out of bananas. So today when mum came home...

"Ibu,... beli bananas tak?"
"Tadi ade jumpe tapi besar sangat lah."
"So?...besar la best!"

Then after a short pause I suddenly laughed at myself. Lol. That kindaf sounded wrong because apart from the obvious it also reminded me of this I found yesterday. Pens and papers out now...

I like bananas for all the decent reasons so stfu. Lol.

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PIRATES OF THE CARIBBE...BLA BLA IS OUT TODAY!!! Not that I've gone to watch...YET. Tell me Jack Davenport aka James Norrington was hot in Dead Man's Chest, please. HELLOOO, how can anyone not get turned on over the sight of his raggedness and filthiness and... THE VOICE. The deep deep voice felt sooo good to my ears it was almost sinful. Tell me Mr. Norrington was hot.....or don't, you may as well BACK OFF a bit and let me have him all to myself while you girls daydream of bedscenes with Orlando B(l)OOOOO(m) or Johnny Depp . Davenport's like ten years younger than Depp FTW! XD........although, I have a feeling he's going to be less yummy in this new one since he'll be all clean and important again. *eyes rolling*. I like them British, arrogant, and hot. =) 

We passed by GSC today and my father was all excited talking about this Korean horror flick (Alone or something...) that he oh-so-want to watch badly and I was all, "Noooo...tengok Pirates, pirates best!" And father went, "Tak nak lah Ayah tengok Pirateman (??!?!) nanti tidur macam tengok Spiderman 3 haritu." DUDE SPIDEY DOESN'T COUNT that lame-ass of an attempt of a blockbuster. What was up with the unnecessary drama and sappy shit in the middle. NOBODY CARES that your emotions're all messed up Parker, cut to the chase damnit, I was expecting to see action non-stop. The Harry-almost-killed-Spidey part was awesome though.

And DON'T mock my Pirate show.....X(

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No matter how ridiculous and downright idiotically funny the whole kerfuffle over Paris-ohGodnotagain-Hilton's prison-shenanigan , I still adore her. She can be amazingly stupid for saying things like "If I can read, I'd so read one of your stuff..." to a bestselling author, stupid enough to break up with worship-worthy Stavros Niarchos (shipping-heir therefore.....pagan God of the sea?! Woah.....), whore-ific enough to wear miniskirts combat-style and what not....I still love her. I love it that it is her living up to her standards. Lol. The world wants to see a dumb-blonde, she gives it with a distinct class. What you see is what you get. Just that recently I think there's a little bit of a drama-overload on the topic. Suddenly she's taking kick-boxing classes to protect her from 'hard-ass lezzie inmates' and seen in public with her head down deep in prayer, and telling the world that she's keeping a diary of her 45 23 days in lock-up to be auctioned after her release......lol, aih.....whatever keeps your extensions bleach-blonde, love. I like Nicole too. =)

Now LINDSAY...LiLo.....I don't like her. She's just trashy. A world-class starlet tartlet.

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Lately I've been out almost everyday the grown-ups are starting to whine. Heh. Been quite eventful. Went to the river last weekend, Eza's birthday on Tuesday and we spent almost the entire day out, Wednesday was...summin' else haha, yesterday went out and about still.....the usual Eza-Hanna-Ika-Fairuz-Aimi compilation...got pampered at the salon, taking a breather on a rooftop...typical...heheh.

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This stupid movie, Georgia Rule, is a DEAD BORE. I started it because I like Felicity Huffman and I wanted to see trash queen Lohan herself in the acts. Don't think she had to do much though...all she had to do was act like a total slag who made the village 18 year old virgin touch her mound with his bare hand on a boat in the middle of a lake on a fishing trip and then suddenly wants to sleep with her mum's ex-vet-boyfriend who's a complete saint. Otherwise it's boring, boooooring. I started it now I have to finish it.

Sleepover at Eza's place tonight yay.

Yesterday, JJ had this NTV7 showcase thingy or other and we were wasting time until the movie started, walking around with nothing to do and stopped by to take a look at what was going on. There was this brunette onstage with gorgeous hazel eyes that so swept Eza off her feet and she was gushing about him even after we left the spot. After a while we decided to sit around with Ika and her boyfriend completely out of things to do (honestly, JJ? Plus, can never walk around without bumping into people I know anymore...wasn't one of those days I felt like re-kindling old ties and with the 'do you remember...'-conversations...pfft). Suddenly, hot NTV7 guy walked past on the way to the toilet. Eza insisted that we wait for a last good look once he gets out. And when he did, all of us just idiotically stared, Eza gave a big grin hoping he'd notice........BEFORE HE TURNED AND SMILED AT ME ONLY. He was double-adorable then. XD Ahahaha the girl wouldn't stop complaining and badgering me with utter jealousy until we left the building. LMAO. XD

I watched Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End yesterday and it was FAWESOME one of the best films I've ever watched in the history of time. Spoiler staaaaarts...........NOW:

First spoiler is that it was fantastic. Secondly, it was real mind-bottlingboggling Eza and I had ourselves doing a step-by-step account of what happened and how things were suppose to make sense. Hanna was already super lost from the beginning...haha, tak leh nak tolong da...

The comedy bits were PRICELESS. I soooooooo loved the Sparrow-Barbossa acts. They make a great couple. I particularly lovedlovedloved Barbossa in this one he was cool and suave as usual, but more laid back and funny and kind. He played the mastermind this time making Sparrow the underdog despite him being only a crew during the time when Sparrow was Black Pearl's real captain. HE WAS COOL nonetheless. Jack was the psychotic loon as usual. But without Barbossa, he would never have been the even more dramatic maniac he was with the irritatingly hilarious shut-up-I'M-the-captain-or-i'll-push-you-overboard comics. LOL. Sparrossa.

There was a lot more of British etiquettes involved in this one. Fancy the Will Turner-Lord Beckett tea-party and how very annoyingly unnecessary it was. It was one of those contrasting elements that only the Brits English can pull off like stopping for tea at a time when cannons are at loose or a man adjusting a tie and fixing on a bowler hat just before he is to be taken to the gallows. I think Davy Jones was a Highlander and tossed Turner's dainty little cup away because he probably thought Bloody English how can they be so calm at a time like this it boils my Scottish non-existant blood, to which Turner responded only casually, "I haven't finished with that...". And when it dawned on Beckett that he was going to perish with his Dauntless in the hands of the Black Pearl and the Flying Dutchman all he could say upon his men's request of orders was, "Business has been...great." Only the English.

SO MUCH for the Pirates Council they didn't even help fighting the Company in the end?!!?! So much for the colours hoisted. Ridiculous colours might I add, haha. I enjoyed it that instead of having the impression of the Brethren Court having this very political scene very sterile emotions involved it was, yet again, funny as shit. Barbossa and Sparrow to thank for most of the time but the other pirate lords were a novelty themselves weren't they.

The battle scenes...left me completely demented. Best part, definitely. Swashbuckling in between the crashing of waves. How about the marriage scene, eh? Makes me want to learn sword-fighting now. Sparrow versus Jones was insanely funny and definitely cool. "Do you feel dead??..." Jones to Sparrow trying to sound threatening with his plugged-nose accent and feet in a bucket of seawater on a patch of sand. LOL.

Upon victory, "Mr Biggs, you may toss my hat if you like..." *Biggs throws the revered hat some distance merrily, "...now go get it back," Sparrow.

Ahahaahahahaha.....cam syial nyer lawak arh.

I can't possibly choose my favourite comedy parts. 

The sad parts on the other had were.....When the dead Governor Swann was seen on a boat sailing towards the Locker, when Liz met Bootstrap Bill (omg, gile heartwrenching), when Sao Feng died, when Jones met Calypso, when Will died, when Will had to leave on the Dutchman....ultimately, when Admiral James Norrington died...

Did no one realise that the big turn from Dead Man's Chest into At World's End was Norrington's doing? If he hadn't given fugly Beckett the Godforsaken heart there wouldn't even be a great third film. Face it, who can honestly blame him. He stood against his own call at the end of the first film that he was willing to step down from Commodore-ship for the sake of the pirates and Elizabeth, realising that his sacrifice was to no avail he went back to the only place he was accepted as someone useful at least, in the Company. Honestly, would he have been allowed with Sparrow's team aboard the Black Pearl without them giving im a hard time what with Liz and Will stealing glances at each other half the time...He was a man of desirable compassion that everyone ignored. People only remember his kind offers during the moment of his very actions of goodness and then move on completely forgetting him. Then he died, unloved still.

JAMES NORRINGTON'S DEAD, YOU HAPPY NOW?!

I gave him a decent burial in here...*points at own heart*

Arr, ye would be gotten yer bonnie lass Lizzie if ye had been a rum-swingin' pirate like young Mister Turner. No matter, still got me XP. To Mr. Norrington, with love.

All in all, I loved the film. Might not agree with the ending entirely but...it was fun. All-out action flick with the necessary hints of tummy-twisting comedy. My favourite characters has to be.......Barbossa, Davy Jones (he was funny in a stupid way, lol), Elizabeth, and Jack Sparrow. James......James is not merely a favourite....he was special.

Memorable Quotes

Barbossa: [Captain Barbossa and Captain Jack Sparrow are both trying to give orders] What are you doing?
Jack Sparrow: What are you doing?
Barbossa: No, what are you doing?
Jack Sparrow: What are you doing?
Barbossa: No, what are you doing?
Jack Sparrow: What are you doing? Hmm. Captain gives orders on the ship.
Barbossa: The Captain of this ship is giving orders!
Jack Sparrow: [thinking] My ship,... makes me captain!
Barbossa: [Shows his navigation charts] They be my charts!
Jack Sparrow: That makes you.... Chart-man!
Pintel: Stow it! The both of you! That's an order! Understand!
[They glare at him]
Pintel: Sorry, I just thought that... with the Captain issue in doubt I'd just throw in my name for consideration.... Sorry.

Jack Sparrow: [to Beckett] Who am I?!
[Beckett, who doesn't answer, looks confused]
Jack Sparrow: [rather hurt] I'm... Cap'n Jack Sparrow...

Jack Sparrow: Did no one come to save me just because they missed me?
[Everyone looks around. Finally Jack the Monkey raises his hand, followed by Pintel and Ragetti]
 Jack Sparrow: I'm staying with them.

Jack Sparrow: We'll have to fight... to run away!
Bretheren Court Members: [everyone] Aye!

One of the films that you won't mind watching you over and over. You start missing the characters dead or alive once you leave the theatre. The kind of emotional aftermath you get after real epics.....like Troy.

This is my first post under the username bits_and_pieces. I don't know why else it is named that way apart from the possibility that I find it simple with no hidden agendas. I am hardly the difficult, conflicted little sixteen-year old I once was when I started this blog, christening it with something barely meaningful. In fact, I am hardly the same hasty troubleseeker I was a year ago. I ought to want the impression I give now portray someone who has definitely grown up and grown out of almost everything that would mark someone as how I would put it, emotionally petty.

"Yours is self-inflicted. You wanna challenge real feelings, bring it on."

I rarely had anything deep to write lately. Not that I haven't been thinking seriously enough. You know, my ignorance toward anything uptight these days have shrouded my better judgement on subjects that could make me stay put. I think that's same the case for most other people who find release in having too much fun that they feel they can always die another day. Truth is, I don't handle disappointment very well at all.

The moment I face disappointment these days I start imagining that if there is a door nearby, I'd bolt out, slam it shut behind me, walk really fast against the heavy wind with my hands in my coat pockets by the sidewalk, the setting sun in the horizon to my left, and I'd walk even faster to outrun it, hoping that at the end of the path there'd be someone I could get a big bear hug from. In reality though, while all of that are happening I'd be listening to very loud music pressing the headphones into my ear drums panting to how much energy I lost after screaming at the top of my lungs, and maybe after that I'd take a refreshing hot shower until the whole bathroom starts steaming up.

Hey no drugs nor liquor involved. I say "You may leave the bottle," or "Do excuse me while I pop another one from the toilet cabinet," only metaphorically. I should be given credit. I know girls who ease pain by cutting themselves and one particular one that I am closely related to started smoking when she was 13.

There was only one person I have told the real story behind this literary mess to that didn't judge me. What's happening is that, sometimes when you grow feeble at trying to change something for mutual understanding and you fail time and time again, the best thing to do is to just- let go...
I find myself retreating to my room or free myself into the outdoors for hours in a day tired of fighting and tired still of losing. Some people will use the taboo card forever that I cannot revoke with reason without severing necessary ties and feeling awkward. An injury that could take years to remedy. A trust, to be given my long-awaited trust, that I could lose. Even the mere request to insisting the Whys and the chance to be heard can be thought of being ludicrous. I give up.

What I'm doing now is not cowering behind my best intuition nor logic. It is simply letting the bigger person win until I have my own chance to make the calls. Do and speak things that can only let them sit back and watch in awe as I try things that could change everything for the better, that they never even considered to attempt.

I'm not about to turn into a complete, delinquent rebel ever. I still believe in respect. 

Your perspective is defaced by too much negativity. You allow your lack of optimism to permit me the amount of faith I deserve. Yet you feel that I should practice percision in collecting goodwill like how you claim you did. You constantly remind me of the rights and wrongs that I know so well of. It insults me that you may feel that some things aren't already in my head. I have distorted memories that I don't even want to even remember ever having to go through. Tell me, have I ever shown any reasons for you to doubt me so?

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On a happier note, I have finished the third season of Desperate Housewives before it's even aired on ABC....YAAAAAAYYY!!!! XD

But it has a half happy-half sad ending. I think more sad than happy actually. I so want fourth season now. I might be temaning Fairuz watch POTC3 on Thursday. After a long thought now I remember the plot being quite messy actually but nicely frosted with the action-bits which were technically what covered the whole of the story, lol. But I don't mind sitting through another 3 hours of it. Jerry Bruckheimer said there are already talks of a fourth instalment. Yay-ness. I found this quote rather smart and I thought "TOUCHE, MAN!" after I read it, haha, "...for a bunch of people being near water all the time, they are very dirty."

Haha, ohnotheydidnt's a diss-Hollywood shrine. I love it.

I am also 'moving around' more in the mornings to get rid of the unnecessary flesh-extras that I own. I still love my food but I won't mind having Nicole Richie's prominent bone structure. Instrumentals get me going. GO ME!

My cat Biscuit is a camwhore. She took this by herself. That's mah girl!! X)

OhMaiGod Ber was right Sebastian was stark naked on Little Britain Live in Blackpool! I thought Des Kay stripping the audience was bad enough, ahahaha.

Sebastian the Prime Minister's aide (Stricty not suitable for work, not suitable for kids, not suitable for PARENTS!!...haha, after learning that I have quite a number of under-18s visiting my blog sometimes).:

I was supposed to watch this weeks ago when I started downloading it apparently it's not finished till now. Bugger. Some of my favourites from this episode were Carol Beer,  Dennis Waterman, and Fat Fighters. Lol. Go watch on YouTube if you like. Search under Little Britain Live. Now I'm looking for Little Britian Live in Sidney.

BTW, I'm at IMAX Ipoh Parade cos I got bored after watching my sister bowling. She has a tournament today. 12 fucking games, I got tired of standing to watch after the second game. Hehe. And this dude next to me, is listening to Avril's Girlfriend on full volume with his headphones and now he's listening to it the second time. I bet he doesn't realise how loud the crap of a song actually is....else I bet he'd be embarassed. i know I would be =).

I'm downloading random episodes of Coupling which was a Brit sitcom series that stopped in 2004. (I'm watching it) Only because sexy voice Mr. Davenport's in it. Ahaha. The jokes are not all impressive, I mean since starting my obsession for Little Britain I don't really accept any other type of subtle British humour they just don't work as well. Lol. But Jack's cute in it. It's a series about how typical Brits are basically about sex and beer combined =). The first episode I tried was Sex, Death, and Nudity. There was one part where everyone was at Jane's aunt's funeral and Jane being Steve (Davenport)'s ex-girlfriend was talking to him about how she finds his new girl, Susan, very attractive and was going into the details on how hot and perfect she is and describing Sue's delicate curves and all that............and Steve got a boner. The reverend came over seeing that Steve was 'in agony' and told him to "let it out, son, just let it out...". Then he wet himself.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA the look on Davenport's face when he was faking the hard-on was priceless he looked soooooo cute I couldn't stop laughing .

Although, it's not a show I'd really get into I just watched it for Jack's sake only.

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I haven't talked to Caryn in dead ages. Suddenly she texted me this morning concerning a problem she has. The irony was that last night I had a dream, AND SHE WAS IN IT. Swear to God I haven't really been thinking about her lately. Not that I'm proud of it but just to add to the irony of the situation. But only a couple of days back Samantha was interrogating me rather sternly whether it was true that Caryn's ex, Jason, and I were together ever. FFS, where the hell did that come from, total random crud. I don't know why I'm telling this but yeah, I miss Caryn. Yeah that's it, that was my main point. Will somebody go tell her that please....I mean the part where I miss her, that is.

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I want to go to KL to meet my mates. But the grown-ups won't let me go by myself dunno why though it's not like I haven't been doing it a couple hundred times already (exaggeration intended). Tika and Shira's coming back today. I want to watch Shrek III with them. Go to the zoo with them. Do stuff. FUTSAL!!!! OMG I want my futsal team I'm scared of growing rusty...

.....anyone wants to play wimme? *does the Puss-in-Boots glassy-eyed look*

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In a few hours I shall drive to JJ to meet up with Fairuz. We shall talk about what matters the most to us at this point in time. Where are we to go next. She's just been accepted into KUTPM for Biomedicine. I can't help at being sad at the fact that we were already excited before this say we get into vet school together. But then again I shouldn't stop people from getting what they deserve most then...