...in a very non-alcoholic way.

So mid-fuggin-semester's done with! Praise the Lord. I repeat, definitely less pressuring this time, but all of us could do better without it for now. Statistics and Probability was a slayer. Bitch. I like integration more than you!

On Friday then, well Friday was a slut of a day, it was. Despite it marking the end of torture it was NOT a good one. I woke up at 5.30 after one of the worst nightmare I've ever had where Dad and Aiman died. You know that dream took up one and a half hours...before which I was supposed to wake up to read up on fuggin Magnetism which obviously I hadn't read yet because I don't like it. I woke up and was too shock-stricken to even cry. Not pretty.

Then a whole series of unfortunate events happened...got told off by this rude cafeteria cashier lady for HER OWN stupidity so I shot back with a "Kenape kene cakap macam tu?.." Idiotic woman. I'm paying, be nice to me?! ~Paris Hilton style, baby! Then whilst going up the stairs to the examination hall the heel of my shoe got stuck on one of the steps and so the shoe came off. Mega embarassing wei, thank God nobody important saw it. Wanted to take a leak so badly but hall already beckoned so had to hold it in for a good one hour of useless English. My phone alarm went off in the middle of Physiology paper (stupid, I said 3.45 AM not PM...gfsdjflwaerhflhfdslv). Saw Mr. Mpossible when I wanted to the least. A friend came up to me and said this guy friend of his went through my friendster account because I forgot to log off during IT the other day, wicked. Wrote a super long post on my Friendster blog and it ditched me completely after I clicked SAVE.

On the way back to college from exams, we saw 'cute boy' crossing the road...

Sufi: Can I run him over please...
Me: Why, nooo...
(saw Mr Mpossible crossing the road after him...)
Me: Oh you can run him over instead, oh please please please do...

So out, I needed.

...and out we went.

For 2 movies. Babel was brilliant. So so thought provoking, but very heavy on the brain. So emotional. Brad Pitt was not the superficial hunk this time. He was the helpless, loving husband. And Cate Blanchett was gorgeous. You know the maturing kindaf gorgeous. The kind you see on ones like Uma Thurman. IThe story showed the very simplicity of misunderstandings that can lead to a world affair. Politics and shit. Which is so so relevant and true. I like.

But we realised, that film was sooooo heavy it made us all stressed up watching it that we needed something lite to drain the burden off...and went in for The Holiday! That was worth it too. So fresh and ideal. Like how everyone's world should be. I want to shag Jude Law.

Ended at around 2am, decided not to go straight home after that, so strolled around in the car all the way to Damansara Utama looking for Uptown to go bargain hunting...couldn't find it, so ended up going around and around just passing the time by...and got home at about 4am. Naturally we all woke up at 1pm the next day...=). Bliss. Paid off. My hormones were being nice again.

...................................

And then I haven't done anything that's got to do with papers this weekend. Today I hung around, spring-cleaned the room good, and went jogging a dozen kilometres again around the complex, came back to find the padlock to my locker couldn't be unlocked...shiiiiat, WHY. Everything was in there. I stood for a good half an hour doing all my fingers could to the numbers...decoding thingy but it was stubborn. Tried jacking it off the door. Called daddy for I don't know what reason like he could do anything about it. Thank God the office was still open and a friend came in with the bigass cutter thing and I decapitated it. Not been my lucky days lately. -_-"

..........................................

Looking forward to going home for CNY, classes back to normal next week, choir practices, Malam Kebudayaan, futsal nights,....oh and Muse. =).

...i just wanted to hoooooold, yuuuu eeeeen maaaaai aaaarms.....

XD.

It pierced many of our hearts (no, nobody died. Yet.) that a 'friend' is leaving late tonight for the Sahara. Pursuing his valiant dream as many of us here too keep dear in our hearts. Some of us here also keep in our hearts the very existence of him that was probably never to his knowledge until today. That humble little boy that denied of his very own popularity, while it still mattered.

It's so bloody ironic how the recent weeks or so have been encircled around bumping into him every so often at all the randomest of places. Thinking, hey, this must tell us all something, if not only one of us. And we've had fun with it, and it never ever crossed our mind that that was the best that it could ever get, and that that would be the last one too.

And so today we mope, no more silly encounters at the shops, no more giggling at his very honest, very naive antics in the examination hall just 3 feet away. No more pretending to be all coy and so Goddamned unnecessarily bimbotic about every puny gesture he does. No more watching THE VIDEO over and over again. No more peering across the biggass lecture hall just to see what he'd be doing. No more peering over the shoulder whenever he passed by just to see how shy he'd get. No more excuses to make Mr. Mpossible jealous...

It's amazing how this 'meagre' being's departure's touching heartstrings we've never thought we would dare give in to such a playful issue. It was never meant to feel this way. It's amazing how sad I'm feeling actually. Yan's to the point of breaking into tears, because ever since the start of the program she's been sitting 2 rows behind him in lecture watching his every move and amateurness gloating. And now he's gone.

PERFECT TIMING WEI!!!.

Saharan guy was so just a phase. And these things don't last. This one lived for less than a week. That should tell us something else. Mr. Mpossible is back in the soap. They brought him back.

..............................................

In my defence, I never anticipated its homecoming to be the revelation. I find it to be a cruel type of soul healer to live with for the time being. Some days I realise how tenacious it is to make me not forget, that the freespiritness in me is made to look like a pathetic excuse, that I have started something and therefore I should see to it that it gets proper tender loving care,...or a memorable end to a story. I am incapable of dealing with both.

My confession is that, my difficulty to believe is working against my favour. I refuse to believe the bad reputation that could do more than banish me back into my shell, could put me in much deliberate resentment for too long. And so far I have been proving myself right. In other words, I have proven how bloody stubborn I am, and how submissive I also am to something that could hurt me more than it ever had.

I see the gate's left open now. Its shackles ignorantly left to dangle hopelessly around the rusting iron panels that I once thought were invincible. An accented boundary. That only the power of its counterpart can breach. Now there is no counterpart. Whatever the gate protects behind it is no longer restrictive enough to passers-by. Only I am dubious that the path that lies ahead, immersed in all things desired could be any less dangerous than the road that led me this far. Envy and spite are never at mercy towards man's littlest success. This could just be another ambush.

But if it still matters, I wish I can tell you everything.