One time was surreal so
One time was too long ago
Here muses a fallen seraph now
As she curses in silence, a fateful vow...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

MUET SPEAKING TEST NEXT WEDNESDAY SEVENFRIKKINGTHIRTY IN THE MORNING.....HOOOOOLLLIIIEEEE...I shower at 7.30 I mean....whart the hell...and I have to be there half an hour earlier pls the 15 minutes of walking...and in the beginning didn't think it was gonna be THAT scary but now that everyone's making a huge fuss about it...I AM nervous. Don't even know who I'll be teamed up with. Physical students are usually UNREASONABLY STUBBORRRRNNNNN......but I'm stubborn-er....XD

The lack of civic-mindedness among Malaysians is a disease. A repulsive, flesh-eating disease. It's too much of a stereo-type these days people have long learned to be ignorant towards it. But then IGNORANCE IS A PLAGUE TOO, and you'd think come the holy month at least these mindless warts would take a short rest at it...there goes my resolution wanting to think of the good in people. I. Have. No. Trust.

God knows how many times I've lost shirt or shorts and the like when hanging them on the lines in the girls' block's courtyard. Knickers too, mind and the funny thing is I reckon girls took them. My sports threads. MY SPORTS THREADS OF ALL THINGS. First there was my turq Adidas top, then my green volleyball goddess Nike shirt, yoga capris....for the love of GOD, you think I'm too STUPID to notice?! I hung my clothes out in the washing line, went for prayers, came back and there was a HEYLOOKATME gap between two hanging clothes. I honestly don't bloody care how obviously geekishly smart you people are but stealing people's clothes is just depressing. Oh my God, is it depressing...for you that is. Me, I'm just mega cheesed off.

It all started within the first few weeks at colege, I stay on the Grd. floor and so I obviously get the washingline in the courtyard. Some kampung bimbos from upstairs couldn't be arsed to take their shit back upstairs to dry after using the washing machine outside my room, and just dump everything on MY. WASHINGLINE. In the beginning I seeeriously couldn't stand it until I clipped a note on their hangers going "This space is obviously for those who live DOWN HERE. Where are your manners?..."     15 minutes later I found the same piece of paper clipped on my stuff all shredded and stuff. Hooooooooooo WHAT an attitude...

That's why Malaysian education nevernevernever depict one's courtesy enough. NEVER judge how polite people are by how well they did their SPM. I mean entirely that is.

Reminiscent of how it was back at Negri Sembilan, kids literally push to get the best seats in the lecture hall. Now even at PASUM itself they hardly make way for passers-by, line up...and the sort. Not as bad but they're there. It's the retard of the Malaysian social culture. Diversity my arse...Hey even politicians speak like SHIT on TV, okay? What's with Maha-evil-thir's northern accent when adressing the parliament?! HELLO?? Official crap you're handling there at least have more poise. And it's amazing how so many losers of citizens find it amusing to follow suit. Imbeciles...

I think this is what made me become more of the rebel that I am even to the things that people say that turn out to be right after all. I stopped believing in too much ideas that people put forth. I've long put a barricade between myself and some very cliched mindsets of the people around me and make up an 'ideal' one of my own when it matters. Some times it doesn't always turn out right. Sometimes I happen to do the wrong thing for being so stubborn and egoistic. Damn.

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FINALS IN 3 WEEKS......OMFG. WHO THE HELL GETS ORGANIC CHEM, HONESTLY?!? I wish I was smarter.

K oooout..

I got a C for my mid semester English paper.

A real C for English. C, okay. That was on Monday when I was told, that is. And my lecturer was all..."What happened..." YOU TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED because all I can tell you is that I suck at summary big time. YOU TELL ME why I'm not allowed to paraphrase in summary. Why in God's beautiful name would I be good in making passages shorter, when my passion is scribbling long looooong text. They're complete opposites, there you go.

However, this morning I got into the showers extra early, ready to leave for my MUET speaking test at 7.30. Was supposed to arrive about a quarter of an hour early but useless me had to lose her stupid exam slip halfway and had to track it down and that wasted a good ten minutes. Went into quarantine to have almost all that was already there giving me this estranged glare for idon'tknowwhat reason. Yeah I'm a headturner, I get it. ANYhow...Was grouped with 3 other random people. One who was very, very uptight about the whole event, askign the examiners silly, silly questions before the presentation started and shaking throughout the whole discussion. Get a grip. But the MOST.....important thing was that I think I did great. Was brimming with natural confidence I exceeded the required time twice. At the end of the discussion I suceeded to have the whole group believe in my opinion in the end. That's hot. And before I left the room one of the examiners asked me for my name, where I was from, which school did I go to (which is to date my favourite stranger question yet XD)...and she gave me two very pleasing thumbs up....yay!

So screw summary, yeah...oral rocked.

On Monday... 

Me: SO WHAT...20% of marks into finals' grades SO. WHAT. That's only like ....like 2 apples in a box of a hundred apples! *looking all smug and satisfied*

Adrilla: ...actually...it's 20 apples, in a box of a hundred...

Me: DAMN.

This morning...

Adrilla: (to the others) Aimi had oral this morning...

Me: Ah but what KIND of oral?...=)

Adrilla: Ah!...but I think you'd need luck on the second one rather than this morning's one.

Me: Shut...loser.

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So coming into biology tutorial my gorgeous classmates gave me a welcoming applause, then my gorgeous biology teacher also gave me full attendance despite my coming into his class 5 minutes before dismissal, teehee, and I didn't need to do his test this morning.

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Spirituality is enthralling. It is enthralling that you have to put so much effort yet less still to get it. It gets to you, and starts doing wonders. Last thursday inbetween 4 rakaats of the tarawikh prayers there was an hour's break for a special sermon by a very young ustaz who was the epitome of fullness. So discreet yet so vibrant. He gave us a talk on how much we see God in our everyday lives. What would happen, if in the midst of our lack of response and sheer ignorance towards Him, a great toil comes rolling our way engulfing the thousands, like during Xmas eve 2 years ago...Because as far as anyone's concerned, the Muslims in KL are far worse than those that once bred the ground of Banda Aceh. 90% of the Muslims in KL were reported to not perform the fully required 5 prayers a day supplication. God can spit down a fortnight's worth of mass hale showers at us anytime. That got the whole hall scared. After that there was a slideshow on encounters of the kalimah 'Allah' in the most bizarre sites of nature. That gave goosebumps. Finally there was a video on a real caesarian section. Bloody and gory as it should be. And that...that made me well up so much as the ustaz asked us...how much in our daily lives now that it's so packed and torrential, that we think about our parents. I came back that night and straight away told my mum how much I loved her.

It's amazing how much emotional fluxes this month gives me every single year. Yet at the same time I'm learning to hold a turgid conscience towards other things...that I don't need.

And I'm sorry, that it had to be this way. It was partially your fault partially mine...unfortunately, your share was too big it rips.

Dear God, newsflash...

I REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY NEED TO STUDY NOW PLEASE DROP ME ONE SACKFUL OF MOTIVATION AHORA MISMO.

Boo-hoo.

Algebra and calculus looking up a lot better these days, chemistry's still like shredded wheat, physics is supernatural. Finals are in a week's time through to the week after without any amount of mercy whatsoever. Save my soul.

Anybody can be my scientist rescuer for the week? =(

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Speaking fo studying, so I was waiting for my bus at Pudu Raya the other day, having to kill like half an hour left still I sat down and opened my Algebra notes. Got to read abit before I got saturated with all the clutter that was the hustling of the useless crowd around me so I took the rest of the time staring at polynomials...when suddenly this man with a professional canon came over and snapped a photo...

...wh-...

He took a second one before coming up to me for my name so I asked why. He said he was from the Kosmo! tabloid and doing a story on college students going home for the festive season and went on asking where I was studying, where I was heading, yada yada...I might be in the papers one of these days, yo! *sparkle, sparkle!*

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Coming to the end that is, these last 2 weeks have been DRUH-MATIC...
One night my 2 friends and I decided to go out for buka puasa. Somewhere close by like Bangsar Village maybe, but one of them who was driving missed the one and only close turn and we ended up heading for the city centre instead.....-_-". Picked Suria KLCC and raided and had fettuccini. Dessert were a marshmalow, a jaffa cake, and a big fat juicy strawberry on a stick freshly gooed by the chocolate fountain....OMFG such divinity...then window shopping was a must after-helpings...

Riding home was another drama. We got lost for a good one hour and a half.......-_-". Trying to be very indie and freestyle indeed, haha! And it was already 11pm. So in the end a boyfriend came to the rescue and we were laughing our heads off being silly in the car.

Last weekend I was feeling very much FESTIVE and made magazine-cutout raya cards for all my close friends at campus. On monday I gave some of them out during the lecture and then some made me one on the spot!...

...there's a flying Tasnim, four-eyed groovy Nadiah, pouty Sufi, and peace-is-not-me Adrilla...and the far left is me supposedly in my killer gothic heels they've been lusting over ever since they saw it the first time, haha!

Tuesday night was Z1's night out. I wagged off Editorial meet AND my Biro's meeting JUST so I could go out with this 'family'...

...not everyone could make it but it was wicked nonetheless.

After dinner we hit the arcade and I beat the girls at DAYTONA BABY!!! XD. Some wanted to go home earlier but Nona, the one to my left, wanted to stay for John Tucker Must Die and it was FANTASTIC. So relative at the time. Must-watch chick flick!

TOGETHERNESS with a greater meaning. You know, other tutorial groups envy how the Z groups can be so united. So non-competitive like the others, because our classes have the mega-braniacas and the not-so-dexterish people in the same room. For instance Taufiq up there in white, is BEYOND brilliant. He goes by the rule, 'ikut logik je...' and that's how studying works for him. Yet we all make fun of each other like brothers and sisters. Azim to his right is my group leader. He too is a prodigy. He came from a very humble background in the rural Sarawak, left school with 12A1s and an ex-Head Boy title. He's not going back home for raya just because he knew his parents couldn't afford it...and we offered to chip in for his travelling expenses this time around but too modest to accept. The guys are so protective over him. Fariz in grey, well he's leaving for a Malaysia Airlines offer. Pilot training, and he found out he got through on this very day we went out, but 3 days later he left without telling us and everyone got so upset. But he said he couldn't bring himself to break the news seeing that everyone was having a good time. Stupid. He'll be aaaall the way in Langkawi flying and we won't get to see him until a month later... 

The next morning everyone went to class looking REAL wasted, haha! In fact, I've been feeling hungover for the past mornings and so have other people...lushness

Thursday, I made truce with Skiep, aka, Amzar, aka, him. Been 3 weeks straight already putting him through mental torture snubbing him off whenever I got the magical chances I'dve thought his ego would be so threatened now that he would never want to speak to me ever again. But I've been seeing the guy in the Biology lecture hall more often these days...most of the time I'm caught off guard while doing or yelling out something stupid with my friends......-_-" ' Still avoiding all eye contact as much as possible, but kindaf miss the good old friendly days. I guess I do leave some obscure mark after all...Great.

So I thought, what the heck, I made loads of people cards I might give him one as well, for courtesy's sake. Had my friend pass it to him at the guys' block and that STUPID boy went and announced it in front of Amzar's friends that it was from me. Oy. But word had it that he was thrilled, and true enough I got a note of thanks after that with great big, warm apology bigger than the others from him before. And true enough things might look up better from then on now that he even has the guts to talk to me again, in FRONT of the sl*t. Concerned to an extent. Nothing more can go from there. Still, the tr*mp can glare and whisper and flaunt she-thinks her sexy voice whenever she sees me and try to intimidate me by creating unnecessary intimacy with MY friends who don't even like her, as much as she wants, I know to a person whom she treats like a prized trophy she won at a bitchfest that she drags around for the world to see in 'awe'?...I am valuable on a different level. Contained.

Resilience is a factor. I think I have that.

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On the final night, packing-time, but everyone was too stoned and dead beat and tensed up with the whole locker-unloading frenzy that my roomates and I decided to drop aaaall our stuff onto the floor, and go for yet another stroll in the car around the campus for release along with a couple of the Z2 kids. We made noise yet again in the car like the night was ours, went out to refill the tank after 3 big rounds around the complex and made a scene at the petrol station at midnight. Came back and yakked till the dead of night at the cafe still. Such a signature...

Rule of endearment...it's yours and yours alone.