The Mummy with the big heart watches stone-cold CSI.

The Daddy a workaholic watches hormone-driven The O.C. and Northshore. (AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA xD)......

My God even I don't watch Northshore and The O.C. AHAHAHA.  CSI is fine but hey, I am the teenage daughter who watches only approximately 4 hours of telly per day. She doesn't have no other proper commitments to enslaven to for the beautiful time being. She sits in the living room alone sketching or more like TRYING to because it's been forever since she's been doing it often. Somehow she finds it an entertainment leaving the cat outside until he runs to the kitchen door at the back yelling to Mum to be let in. She likes 'relocating' the sleeping cats at night and put two in her bedroom, and when early in the morning they make noise by the door to be let out she just sleeps through the agonizing ambience of begging cats until they start walking on her tummy for it. Hogs the phone for dear life...So besides all that, what she does, go figure...

I don't, however, find it much of an entertainment swooning over hot guys on American serials...Lol, not complaining, really.

---------------- 

I've been advised to change back to glasses. I don't know what that means because I've never actually made proper friends with glasses before I got engaged with Acuvues. And I thank God for giving me such a strong immune system. I may have crappy metabolism cos I put on blubber every easily, but my immune system is considered good. When the whole family gets hayfever I'm almost always the only one suffering at the most a bunged up windpipe and sandy throat. Not been bedridden for many months. I've been using the Renu solution since forever until I found out people have gotten corneal cancer from it and I've been fine all along, God bless. When I've accidentally (more like, sebab malas nak layan...) slept with my lenses on till the next morning, lots of times, the most I'd get are real poofy eyes and stressed sockets that go well again after a while. BUT.....I've never been RIDICULOUSLY STUPID enough to have slept with my lenses on, and then continue another twelve frikking hours the next day. SO BODOH.  Nak mati ke...Cos I'd die if I'd lost my eyesight, no shit.

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Driving is not necessarily serenading. Mental drivers around make me want to show my finger to the world even to those who have nothing to do with anything. If only parents are willing to undo their mistake, that of which they forget how it was to be a teenager. If I accidentally showed my finger to someone or swore under my breath it doesn't mean I'm bound to join a threesomes' bar later on, yeah...

See there's a difference between independence and freedom.

I personally think the latter is better. Because the most basic meaning to it is a right without proper responsibilities. But everyone's got to learn to be responsible for some reason, one day. Lame but there you go...

And I realised I have an unspoken issue with commitment. You know that type of commitment. I don't see myself being a devotee yet. I'd be a careless example. Unfair for the other person.

This does have a relation to my insecurity issues. I AM INSECURE with ten thousand things right now or so it seems like it. So at times when I feel that I have an ego comparable to that of most guys, maybe it's just a phase. When I'm so hyperecstatic about things that don't even matter maybe it's just me denying the fact that there's actually something at the back of the tangle of elastic MEAT I have in my head, that' needs me to be serious about. Lately one of the big things I want to do, is to sit down with a friend, drop each of our superiorities if we have any, and start off with a "We've got to stop acting like nothing happened. Lets talk this over for good before I go." 

But I bet you anything it's not gonna happen. 

------------------------------

It's amazing don't you think? How girls love to feed off of fantasy. Even if they have to write one for themselves. Even though as stupid as their tales sound. How plastic and frilly and pathetic they seem to you now. No respect. You've lost me.

(...but to the girls whom've faked their fantasies (lied) to me so far? I'M...ON TO YOU. =). And I don't lose anything. Busted.)

It's amazing still, no? How some guys think we don't remember the most miniscule of the things they've said or done. Think we're better off living as less complex creatures. I guess that's why we're the more sensitive ones. Because we make it a point to remember.

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Who made it a rule that debaters have to be royalty? Cocky, for-no-apparent-reason big-talkers suddenly too important to be normal when it matters?! Don't start bloody preaching me about shit you THINK you know oh-so-well about okay, go join the nunnery or something where they might CARE MORE. My life is FINE, fyi...

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There are currently 17 people I have blocked on my MSN. Once upon a time I never blocked people.

Most of them are blocked because:

a) i'll have nothing to say to them if they IM me, so this is like protecting both from the awkwardness.
b) they annoy me end of story.
c) they talk to my other blocked contacts so i don't want the others to find out they're blocked from a middle person.
d) et cetera.

However, there is one friend that I've just blocked. For none of the above reasons. Because I want to talk to this person. Badly. About unprofessional things. But I blocked him. And for a good while I just sat staring at his screen-name and started to confuse myself. Like I used to.

...but like it makes a difference. Okay I'm gone....

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p/s: I am not the only one being not-so-productive these days so go vent your jealousy some other friendlier way, yeah. Because you'll never know, you might miss me once I leave, so badly you'd wish you'd been nicer...

=)

And no I haven't done my shopping for college yet. Cos it brings bad vibes.

There was a time when I was a little less than being a nobody. Untitled. Unspoken of. If people did speak of me they spoke of the wickedness that they remembered. How the class monitor tormented the other kids with a wooden ruler she brought to school everyday. How she was a nightmare of a little munchkin that costed so many self-esteems. And that was how she was remembered by. And that was what resorted her later to staying out of sight. Out of might.

Her first 2 years back revolved around acquaintance-making. There were so many people she'd liked to be friends with. So many intimidating characters she was bound to be rejected by. On her first day back, she walked down the corridor, and a prefect said to her, "Hi Aimi, remember me?..." And that gave her so much more hope.
Fairuz was her name.

She had her first real fight with a friend. A neighbour. One she never talked to for months just for that silly little brawl. She refused to take the school bus just to dodge sharing the same air with that kid. They stopped playing badminton together ever since. She stopped asking her out to cycle around the neighbourhood together.
Azimah was her name.

It was the Year 6's end-of-the-year play. They were doing a remake of MAHSURI. All through preparation she hid the little troll inside of her that was envy. She was only a dayang, but who was the lucky little girl that got to be Mahsuri?...The Mahsuri. And when she saw her act for the first time she knew she wanted to know Mahsuri-girl more.
Haqila was her name.

It was the drama wrap-up meeting. She sat amongst the lower echelons, staying shadowed was the safest play. The teacher was also discussing on the prefects' farewell party. They were planning on having pizza. They were planning on the pizza toppings. One prefect sat right at the back on a stool all by herself, unhappy, surly. This girl wanted to talk her and make her feel involved again. But she was too scared.
Syafiqah was her name.

Form 1 had a painful start. People kept leaving for boarding schools. She was put in a class full of leaders-to-be, smart alecs, 'IT' people. Yet she was sitting alone. Her deskmate went off for some other school. The feeling of solitude in a place packed with people was hurtful. Yet a willing little girl was eager to make her feel wanted. She taught her that talking is a good thing. That talking to her was the best idea anyone could ever have suggested at the time.
Syazana was her name.

Whomever first thought she would make it big in the librarian board? One girl did. One librarian gave her all the little known reasons why she should enroll. The librarian had so much faith that at one point, she was almost dependant on her faith in her. And she did make it big. She did.
Liana was her name.

During primary school she found a little girl a competition. So intimidating she almost made herself hate the child. Six years later at 14 the they were in the same class. Only two years later she had that immense amount of courage to talk to this once upon a time competition about the most secretive, most embarassing of things anyone could ever imagine.
Siti was her name.

Her final schooling year saw the declaration of her proper gang. One proper one. For a lifetime membership. One girl stood out differently from the other members. She was the eldest then. Felt like the older sister that never was. So sacrificial in the most elusive of ways. Because her warmth was just so inducing that they almost envied her.
Adilah was her name.

Months went by and one friend she was still trying to fathom. Going by a misunderstood little lost sheep, that friend was. Yet she was a vibrant young lady that makes anyones heart skip a beat everytime seeing her react so comically to anything around her. Yet inside she was still a lost little sheep. The youngest that they cared to care for.
Hanna was her name. 

The Rotary debates were nearing, and she was wildly concerned whether any of the people that mattered would turn up to give spirit. The people that mattered most. That afternoon itself just before the preliminary round, one by one the text messages flooded in. None of them could make it. None of them. So that evening she spoke with pride but knowing a tiny part inside was blatantly shrivelled it almost hurt. She sat waiting for the results of the competition. And by the door nearest to her, a waving hand was frantically trying to catch her unguarded attention. A generous face had eyes that smiled two thumbs up.
Faeza was her name.

It meant the world to her.

These people were destined to touch every living chord in m ymind body and soul. From the very beginnings. To the last words in heart-wrenching arguments. The little, lesser known deeds that changed perspectives. The given circumstances met, that gave sacrifice a better meaning. They helped mold the person that I am today. This big little group of mine, is for life.

So I'll be leaving. So Fairuz'll be leaving. Sooner than most. So everyone'll be going their seperate ways. So be it?...

Sisterhood for life?..... 

I well up as I'm typing it out, is this it then? Are we going to end with a bitter note of farewell. Are we already too excited to be making new friends. To start from scratch. Scratches less pretty and reminiscent than the ones I had with you lot...

I'm sorry for the hurtful things I've said and done. I'm sorry for having to have my part in this complication as well. I'm sorry that if this is it, it'll be the last memory I'll be leaving you with. I'm sorry I haven't been very much of a great, incandescently beautiful memory anyhow, anyway.

--------------------------------------

...and of course it'll be unfair if the others go unmentioned.

To the other people that have left a mark or another in this petty, once non-existent life...you've made history in me at least. Even those I talk to most online or on the phone than in person...I do remember important phrases and sentences said. Fran and Vinne for creating a difference. Vernie for being my guardian angel. Caryn for being my other half. Sam and EeLin. Shaz for the longest phonecall ever yet. Ber my other fairy with a chocolate-warm heart too. Cass. Nat my loyal hot-chick partner. Reena my once younger big sis. Alex for being a good sport. Azuan and Syafiq for being my next to the besties I never had at a time. Even Dan. Doyou for having me in your top 10 and hating me at the same time. Xian, once upon a time I forgot to say, thank you. Azlan too for I dont know what reason exactly but probably for being the piece of work that you are. Durga. Mia for starting off SO MUCH for me. ZS for having to tolerate my daily rants almost...daily. And so many many many more I'm only listing down those that came first into thought in no particular order. I'd mention close to all if I have all morning but the point is.....Almost nothing goes by unremembered. Little unimportant gestures, slips of the tongue, small talks. And so it all comes down to this, I feel blessed being able to list down names without having to stop and make-up any out of desperation. It's all real. My gratitude plus one. I know this is sick, babyfood stuff but there you have it. You can choose to ignore, really, I don't mind, honest.

But if it's not too much to ask, a moment of reflection please...

It breaks my heart seeing mistreated house maids helpers. Yes they're immigrants. Yes they're uneducated. Yes they're poor. This triad of circumstances leaves them with no choice but to resort to servanthood.....but what I see more and more these days is a subtle practice of slavery.

I was having late lunch with my parents at a restaurant yesterday, and just feet away from me I saw and heard. A lady and her two sons indulging on the most generous of delicacies, but this girl got none...

I couldn't help at staring, looking over my shoulder at the busboys, if any of them were to bring her a plate but half an hour went by and she was still sitting there purposelessly with the same look of despair. Only so ocassionally she reached into the bag by her feet, fishing out cute little forks and spoons for the kids, a hankie to wipe their sloppy chins...and then I heard...

"*girl's name* dah makan ka di rumah tadi?!"

*girl shakes head grimly*

"Kenapa tak makan? Bukan saya suruh makan di rumah tadi?!! *glares cruelly and went back to feeding her sons...*"

Would it hurt to just treat her a simple plate of fried rice? Treat her to food that she needn't slave over like the days before in your humble dwelling and the days ahead that I bet is distressing her thinking about. So in the face of public you choose to abuse her so subtly that it went almost unnoticed. Of the days you probably make her toil over the stove, mops and brooms, your baby's nappies, your children wetting the bed in the pitch of the night and this is how you repay her?

Your helpers should not be forced to follow you on trips with your family to the supermarket or the amusement park, JUST so that there'll be someone to push the babywalkers for you, someone to take your children to the loo while you're busy getting your pedicures done, someone to carry your shopping bags while you only strut ten miles ahead clutching your expensive soho.....Being ridiculously filthy rich does not give you the permit to undermine those you'd cruelly label as 'stupid' and 'human garbage'...let alone yell at them for leaving your crying children to embarass you in front of your socialite friends...

Today I made a new friend. Stupid cats were dribbling with it and to save its poor self it jumped onto my shirt so I raaaaaann away from those ruthless predators and saved this little baby....

......and popped it into a pretty purple pot.

But I decided to not confine it from it's beautiful spirited life so I left the pot open so that it could fly away whenever to wherever....

But before anything else....I christened him first.

Henri-Luc. So francais. Tres-chic, non?! =D

I like.

Fly, baby.....

=)

----------------------------

I'm gonna post as much as I can while I still have 24hr broadband. About the pettiest of things that nobody even care about. For instance the fact that I have 4 more days left in Ipoh, oh yeah. I've still got ten thousand things to buy but can't be bothered to make much of a fuss because I seriously don't feel like going it's depressing me. So I'll bask in my own thoughts while I have all the fun I still can before they turn me into a lifeless prude. =).

Let me tell you the difference, between leaving now, and leaving then.

Leaving then, earlier, leaves one less time to say goodbyes...that once they're gone it deems to matter less than they thought it would, because newer priorities seem to be more demanding than the past...

However, I was blessed with the chance to leave later, but in turn it gave me the time to contemplate on the idea of 'goodbye' so many times it was starting to sound and feel harder than it could've been. I have grown too attached to those I shall have to use this term to. One day.

And that day probably just ended.

Group hugs can end rapturously.......then again it might not.

Tomorrow's gonna determine it all. All.

God be with us.

Now say,

"BYE AIMI BAYBEHHHH!!!"

Labaratory Block

Classmates. I heart them. Waiting for our super-late tutor this morning...

Jogging past the guys' block.

Breakfast mates. Roomie-Nisa, roomie-Qilah, neighbour-Waheeda, neighbour-Aisyah, roomie-T. =). Best roomies ever.

----------------------------------

At the end of the day, I have 3 wonderful roomates for the next 10 months.

At the end of the day, I like it that the place is huuuge...

At the end of the day, ENGLISH.....is my ultimately favourite class.

At the end of the day, I got the chance to show, that standing out can be cool...

At the end of the day, the days are getting more and more dramatic as they change.

At the end of the day.........KMNS is starting to grow on me.

=)

.