What if?...
What if?...
Posted at 08:51 PM
some things in a day makes me ask myself often. questions that gets scary at times. as you grow up, you find that the things you've thought of to never EVER hit you anytime during your life could be very likely possible. like when we were six, guys were *euuggh!*. black was evil (as in, horrid), now black is EVIL (as in gothically cool). or getting bad rep with teachers equals to outcastment, now it's more of a survival tactic. simple terms= back then we liked butterflies, now it's scarab beetles, get?
so then sometimes i make myself ask in vain...or maybe in sense. "what if one day i turn out to be a serial killer?" or "what if i'm not who i think i would become?" and finally..."if the world consists of good and bad people, what if i AM the bad one?..." has it ever hit anyone, just anyone at all, that maybe praises of good can turn u into a shrivelled piece of scented paper? if through the eyes of people you are an angel sent down through the cracks of the cloud with all the qualities under one skin, who's to say you're just that? i was thinking, praises spoil people in a sense where that particular person who gets praises often tends to think very highly of him/herself that he/she thinks there'd be no use for an empty space for any improvements. 'ppl, love me...' which makes him/her thinks he's/she's in a state where everything's stable. that there'll be a highly likely possibility for that person to overstep the border into the bad, whereas still, a mere split second can change an entire past into something completely different as of that particular time. if today ppl gush over your good deeds, who's to say tomorrow wll be the same? what if tomorrow you'll find yourself smoking pot in the school broom closet?...
people only so often think about the future, where will they be in 6 years time, perhaps. or rather, where they want to be. they dream to be heart surgeons, to be lawyers like Ally McBeal; but has anyone ever given a full momentum of thought of what they will do, if 6 years ahead they see themself with a bloody dagger in hand? the 'once upon a time' naive yet oh-so-very-much loved child protected by the cloth from evil, turned a blood-craving reaper? what if being an 'angel' now commits oneself into turning dark decades later? curiousity deforms the original program of one's mind. i'm pretty sure little bo peep has one of those days where she sits down and think, her life might be more fun and colourful if she wasn't such a goody-two-shoes. by this, by this simple thought, LITTLE BO PEEP CAN DECIDE TO TURN INTO KELLY OSBOURNE IN A SPLIT SECOND (!!!). so it may be possible that good and bad do not sit themselves that far apart. good and bad are opposites but they're just as close as sitting next to each other. a harsh decision or a slight fault in choices can make good and bad switch seats...just like that.
i am happy with life up to this point. i'm happy for the fact that it's life and i've not yet have to face any guttedly dreaded moments where it left me lying in hatred towards life. i scoff at life when bad happens but that's everyday. i might as well scoff once for yesterdays and the days to come to save energy, but i grew tired of doing it. regardless of that still, life is very welcoming. it has been for me at least. i feel blessed with the might and capabilities i have in me to share with everyone around. and i am grateful that everyone around appreciates it too. i have it in me, and up till now, i reckon they are there for the purpose of good. but if good and bad, i figured, do not contrast that greatly, then how do i know that all this while the 'might' that i have is actually a weapon of self-destruction? there's no assurance in that is there?
what if i drop out of school before march next year?
what if my first job with an illegal tiger-fur bussiness association in calcutta?
what if i'll be found dead in a pool of blood in my own room with a blodd-smeared ice-pick in my right hand and a chisel on my left?!?!?!?!......
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. its the final few days that gets me really into the spirit of eid very much.
. that's beacuse we all do have lives but just pretending we don't in order to live with the lack of life-fulfilling activities. Hear ye, hear ye...
...and i hear foghorns....
