Sometimes I doubt my own feminity.

I can't quite tell my exact gender tendency now.

Most girls define feminity in the stuff that their into. Spas, salons, mani pedis, waxing parlours; none of which I can relate to. I've never been to a spa, never had facials done, I do my own nails like once or twice a year, and I simply cannot bring myself to go through the pain of any form of hair removal except shaving.

I hardly wear make up I feel like I look like a Chinese opera singer if I have too much on. I haven't been to the hair dresser in almost a year. I prefer hearty meals than a bowl of leaves and baby tomatoes (although I do like salad AS A SIDE DISH to my plate of hearty hearty meal).

If I was one of the power puff girls I'm definitely Buttercup. Core ingredient: spice.

Most girls I talk to say that it's less of a 'definition' than hobbies that help boost up your self esteem. I'm not saying that I can do without these hobbies because I have all the self esteem in the world to last a life time, but I suppose our sources for it differ..

They say "Don't do it for a guy, do it for yourself, make yourself feel good." I can't quite concur, because if I start paying attention to these little details I fret I might be even more paranoid about the way I look than I already am now. And everyone has different things in life that make them feel good. Just because I'm not into these things, doesn't mean that I absolutely don't give a shit to what I look like. I do take care of myself. Just not to the extent of putting myself through expensive pain..

There are things that I am into that help me gain more confidence. I'm going to make a list of them.

1.   Playing the guitar. I may not be awesome at it but it's comforting knowing that I can appreciate this hobby and that it's defining me more and more these days..

2.   Getting artsy. I'm rusty. No effing shit. I haven't really done a big project like a whole painting in a long long time I just don't have the time and attention span for that these days, sad story really. But when I do have the time I try to get some random sketches done, a scrapbook, something to add to my bedroom wall, or cake decorating in the kitchen..

3.   Shoes. I LIKE SHOES. Which is probably the single most feminine thing about me. You may see me wearing my favourite black sandals wherever I go but the little bimbo in me dreams to have an entire shoe collection one day. I have all my heels in the boot of my car just in case I need to change into something a bit more sophisticated. To me, you can wear something extremely casual, like a plain t-shirt and jeans, then throw in a pair of red 4-inch high patent leather (no crocodiles or snakes or any of those exotic hides please) pumps and hello! Confidence level: Oprah Winfrey.

Oprah Winfrey doesn't exactly have the best figure in tinseltown, but the things she does are enough to tell the world "I'm here to stay, bitches." Which brings me to my next point..

4.   Animal welfare events. This newfound hobby is recent. I've been into animal welfare for a long long time. I realised this when I was about 9, in England. I was walking in the city centre with my family on a sunny spring morning, and saw an old woman sitting on a bench, feeding what it look like almost a hundred pigeons pecking on the ground. I ran towards them chasing them away, excited by them being so many and flying off the whole flock of them into the sky. Naturally the old woman wasn't very happy. "We don't do that to animals, alright?" she said to me kindaf sternly. It wasn't a huge event. Well it was kindaf huge actually because that was the turning point to what I am today. Loving animals no matter what they look like, whatever species, defines almost my entire life. Caring for animals isn't a stand-alone trait. It affects the way you treat people, it governs your conscience, it teaches you how to understand life better. It affects the way I drive, in fact. Caring for animals has taught me to be tolerant of others no matter what they look like. Yeah I may be annoyed with 10 people at a time because they're just downright stupid. But what it boils down to is respecting people's right to be stupid any way. As long as it is not in the expense of other people's time, money or health.

I couldn't be a vet, so I plan to be an animal rights advocate. I've started going to events like a cat show a month ago, and just last weekend there was this Pet Project event thing down at The British International School of Kuala Lumpur. It was quite neat, they had an adoption drive, NGO booths opened up, a silent auction to raise money for Malayan Tigers, dance classes to raise donations too, etc. I spent quite a lot of my measly salary there and I'm completely SKINT now but at least it was comforting to know that a large portion of the money spent went to charity.

And so I plan to be more than just a spectator next time. I hope I can be a volunteer too. Renew my faith in humanity. Renew my conscience. At the same time making sure my social life still moves.

5.   Write. Now that I'm back in the blogosphere, I can write as much I used to again. I know nobody comes here. Which is great in a way, I don't have to write to please any one..

My mum smelling the roses, Venice, Italy, Summer 2011.. <3

I'm on a caffeine high, and it's data acquisition week, and I'm getting bored to tears of it already, and most of my project drawings have been sent for approvals now waiting for them to get back, getting kindaf fidgety now..

Albeit it’s been quite a productive week!

I had a foul morning though.

I hate driving. I hate driving because to me it’s not just about getting you to places. It’s a social interaction godamnit. And in any form of social interaction, you’re bound to meet a few assholes and retards and bimbos here and there.

A fun type of social interaction is the kind you engage in by your own free will. Parties, dates, dinners, hanging out with friends or whatever. If you happen to meet retards along the way it’s fine, you have other fun bits to that engagement that you’ve already looked forward to. Driving to work on the other hand, is anything but the fun kind. You’re forced to break up with your comfy bed, shower with cold, cold water when the sun’s barely out, your light at the end of the freaking tunnel is to get to work, and on the way to the hell hole you’re thrown into a sea of selfish bastards and women who should be banned from driving FOR LIFE, AND THERE’S NOTHING..NOTHING..TO LOOK FORWARD TO AT THE END OF YOUR PERILOUS JOURNEY. It’s like swimming against the fucking tide, and arriving on a deserted island.

I try..so fucking hard to be nice to everyone else on the road. I defy the lousy-women-driver stereotype (although I agree 140%; most women on the road are like houseflies, like GTFO OF MY WAY YOU RUDE SELFISH BETCH but they keep coming back you know..so insistent and persistent with their stupidity like ‘open doors for us men, pull chairs out for us men, fucking make way for us at any cost, men..' ) and try to prove to others that not all women drive so disastrously although admittedly, this is a losing battle.. I have ‘be kind to animals’ stickers on my rear windshield, in the hopes that other drivers take heed, and at the same time have their hearts softened by such words and hopefully resulting in everyone being extra considerate to each other on the road. WAY TO GO AT PROVING ME WRONG, ALMOSTTHEENTIREDRIVINGWORLDTHATIHAVEMETSOFAR.

Which brings me to this thing that happened last weekend..

Sunday, I went out with Nagila to Sunway Pyramid for lunch. Parking lots were packed with cars like canned sardines. Barely moved every time I turned into a lane trying to look for an empty spot. One stick-drive Kancil driven by an apparent bimbo was really struggling to get out of it’s parking spot and the rest of us were stuck there waiting for the bimbo to sort herself out before we could get going. She was driving back and forth back and forth my God woman the car’s barely 6ft long. A nice guy stopped by and sort of guided her on what to do, how to steer out of the way. Bimbotic bimbo was being bimbotic, drove straight into the next parked car’s front bumper real hard..

..so the nice guy was all “Loser gtfo let me show you how it’s done.” And voila, one swift move. And in another swift move the loser drove off without even stopping to check the amount of damage done to the car she just banged into.

Antoine disapproves.

You see, I am a 9Gagger, and I learn from Good Guy Greg. Good Guy Gregs don’t hit and run, or just watch one happen and do nothing. So obviously I just had to get out of my car for a bit, right a note that said, “Kancil, BFG 4141 did this to your front bumper. Find the Bitch.” In those exact words. I truly hope he made the effort to find the bitch and made her pay so good.

I’ve written too much in this post. Brace yourselves for the next one.

Waddup Ontario, Canaduhhh!

Let's face it, Aimi, your boyfriend is your only Malaysian reader. Not that I'm complaining. Bring on the international love!

I realise I've had this blog since I was 16. Seven long years. It's so awkward reading my old posts. I was such a whiny little brat, always on about complex teenage crap that don't even sound that complex anymore now, in an overly emphasised big vocabulary. 

SOOOoo 7 years down the road, a shitload has changed. I'm a working girl now betchisss and I feel like telling you all about it.. (all..lol..so cute).

Anywees.. *cracks knuckles* Brace yourselves, shit's about to get serious.

I am a design engineer, at this industrial boiler manufacturing company called Mechmar Cochran Boilers, a subsidiary of Mechmar Corporation Berhad, apparently the 3rd biggest industrial boiler manufacturer in the country. Sounds a bit involved but it's not too bad actually.. It's not a top tier job but I actually quite like it.

What I do is basically get 5 clients thrown at me at one time, design the motherfucker out of the boilers they want, get ALL THE APPROVALS from the occupational safety and health departments and registers, make sure my designs are all round satisfactory and voila. The fun bit is that sometimes I get to go on site visits as well.

Which really isn't too bad a life. Like I said, it's not top notch but a girl's got to start somewhere. Not everyone's lucky enough to start all the way at the top of their game. Besides, the best part of getting anything is the chase climb. Whichever's more applicable. I have great friends here, we're not all of the same generation or race but it's great. I especially have a profound interest on the Filipinos. They're so nice that they renew your faith in humanity. At one point I was beginning to think they're probably gay because they're just so polite and nice. But apparently they're either happily married or has a hot girlfriend. Good for them.

WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT I'D GROW UP INTO AN ENGINEER YES?

But admittedly, I don't plan on staying in this industry forever. I have bigger plans and Godwillingly I'm working towards them. 

And the best part of my life is that I'm still in love with my best friend. He's been through shit with me the entire time albeit from a distance. And I really do believe that these 'bigger plans' are going to work out better in the end with his undying support. 

I'm not a vet today but this alternative isn't so bad, really.

ALSO, THE BOSSES ARE NOT IN TODAY...SURF ALL THE INTERNET! PROCRASTINATE ALL THE DAY!!

An ode to seven years..

Once upon a time, long ago, I promised myself that I will fall in love with a random nice handsome tourist I bump into at the Trevi Fountain and marry him. Because that would be just awesome. When I actually finally got there, everyone was hot and sweaty and the fountain was beautiful but it was such a hot day, not a condition to be all romantic, but..BITCH PLEASE, I ENDED UP WITH A BETTER LOVE STORY. XD. One day I will bring him to see the fontana at night and we'll fall in love with each other all over again..

Bellisimo..

WHAT..a lousy first day back. Jealous little post-Christmas elves turned my phone clock 10 minutes back but I still managed to arrive at work earlier than most others, waddup.

My car though, good Lord, my car.. There was this big dollop of icky yellow stuff on the roof this morning. I couldn't tell whether it was bread or cake or dough it was just this big pile of yellow gunk, on my fucking roof. Some retard has the habbit of hurling bucketfuls of food out of their window at Mentari Court lately. Just last week, Eza's car showered in maggi and bean sprouts. Thank God for the rain this evening. I hope the stain's washed off.

I almost got into a petty accident this morning because this retard on a motorbike was practically cycling in front of me after the traffic lights turned green. I-, unlike you losers whose nerve signals move like snails, don't realise the lights turned green until like HALF AN HOUR LATER, -DON'T like holding up the traffic behind me. So rude and inconsiderate. I sped up a little to try and overtake him, at the exact same moment when he realised 'WHY THE FUCK AM I GOING AT 3KM/H LET'S HURRY UP NOW' and almost banged into me..what the..I can't even..but swift and stealth me moved out of the way just in time.

CRISIS AVERTED

My measly salary isn't banked in yet. Thanks.

I'm homesick already. I miss my cats.

I double-booked myself for this weekend. I haven't exactly planned how that's going to work.

I know that there are greater world crises going on right now and I'm a complete brat moaning all the way like this. But sue me, it's not like I'm forcing anyone to read this.

"I LOST MY $75000 DIAMOND EARING!" -Kim
"KIM, THERE ARE PEOPLE DYING IN THE WORLD.." -Kourtney

Ok.

In other news, this will be my official rant channel from now on. Diverting all the negativity I'm always on about on Twitter..to here. Where nobody practically gives a fuck about me. #win

YOU sir/miss, reading this, have the gumption to bask in all this bottled up angst here. Ya gatz ballz. I like you.

Toodley do.