We just don't stop and smell the flowers enough.. Posted at 01:35 AM
Sometimes I doubt my own feminity.
I can't quite tell my exact gender tendency now.
Most girls define feminity in the stuff that their into. Spas, salons, mani pedis, waxing parlours; none of which I can relate to. I've never been to a spa, never had facials done, I do my own nails like once or twice a year, and I simply cannot bring myself to go through the pain of any form of hair removal except shaving.
I hardly wear make up I feel like I look like a Chinese opera singer if I have too much on. I haven't been to the hair dresser in almost a year. I prefer hearty meals than a bowl of leaves and baby tomatoes (although I do like salad AS A SIDE DISH to my plate of hearty hearty meal).
If I was one of the power puff girls I'm definitely Buttercup. Core ingredient: spice.

Most girls I talk to say that it's less of a 'definition' than hobbies that help boost up your self esteem. I'm not saying that I can do without these hobbies because I have all the self esteem in the world to last a life time, but I suppose our sources for it differ..
They say "Don't do it for a guy, do it for yourself, make yourself feel good." I can't quite concur, because if I start paying attention to these little details I fret I might be even more paranoid about the way I look than I already am now. And everyone has different things in life that make them feel good. Just because I'm not into these things, doesn't mean that I absolutely don't give a shit to what I look like. I do take care of myself. Just not to the extent of putting myself through expensive pain..
There are things that I am into that help me gain more confidence. I'm going to make a list of them.
1. Playing the guitar. I may not be awesome at it but it's comforting knowing that I can appreciate this hobby and that it's defining me more and more these days..
2. Getting artsy. I'm rusty. No effing shit. I haven't really done a big project like a whole painting in a long long time I just don't have the time and attention span for that these days, sad story really. But when I do have the time I try to get some random sketches done, a scrapbook, something to add to my bedroom wall, or cake decorating in the kitchen..
3. Shoes. I LIKE SHOES. Which is probably the single most feminine thing about me. You may see me wearing my favourite black sandals wherever I go but the little bimbo in me dreams to have an entire shoe collection one day. I have all my heels in the boot of my car just in case I need to change into something a bit more sophisticated. To me, you can wear something extremely casual, like a plain t-shirt and jeans, then throw in a pair of red 4-inch high patent leather (no crocodiles or snakes or any of those exotic hides please) pumps and hello! Confidence level: Oprah Winfrey.
Oprah Winfrey doesn't exactly have the best figure in tinseltown, but the things she does are enough to tell the world "I'm here to stay, bitches." Which brings me to my next point..
4. Animal welfare events. This newfound hobby is recent. I've been into animal welfare for a long long time. I realised this when I was about 9, in England. I was walking in the city centre with my family on a sunny spring morning, and saw an old woman sitting on a bench, feeding what it look like almost a hundred pigeons pecking on the ground. I ran towards them chasing them away, excited by them being so many and flying off the whole flock of them into the sky. Naturally the old woman wasn't very happy. "We don't do that to animals, alright?" she said to me kindaf sternly. It wasn't a huge event. Well it was kindaf huge actually because that was the turning point to what I am today. Loving animals no matter what they look like, whatever species, defines almost my entire life. Caring for animals isn't a stand-alone trait. It affects the way you treat people, it governs your conscience, it teaches you how to understand life better. It affects the way I drive, in fact. Caring for animals has taught me to be tolerant of others no matter what they look like. Yeah I may be annoyed with 10 people at a time because they're just downright stupid. But what it boils down to is respecting people's right to be stupid any way. As long as it is not in the expense of other people's time, money or health.
I couldn't be a vet, so I plan to be an animal rights advocate. I've started going to events like a cat show a month ago, and just last weekend there was this Pet Project event thing down at The British International School of Kuala Lumpur. It was quite neat, they had an adoption drive, NGO booths opened up, a silent auction to raise money for Malayan Tigers, dance classes to raise donations too, etc. I spent quite a lot of my measly salary there and I'm completely SKINT now but at least it was comforting to know that a large portion of the money spent went to charity.
And so I plan to be more than just a spectator next time. I hope I can be a volunteer too. Renew my faith in humanity. Renew my conscience. At the same time making sure my social life still moves.
5. Write. Now that I'm back in the blogosphere, I can write as much I used to again. I know nobody comes here. Which is great in a way, I don't have to write to please any one..

My mum smelling the roses, Venice, Italy, Summer 2011.. <3






